I'd Rather Starve

It is Vacation Week for the Roses. I was sitting on the beach today, while everyone was occupied (a miracle, to be sure), and my mind started wandering. Sometimes this is a problem. "Mind, get back here! Right now!" I have been known to shout. But today it was okay. So I let it out for a little stroll. And this is what it came up with.

Food. What food do I find so disgusting that I would only eat it if it were the very last thing on earth? There were two rules for this game:

1. It had to be something I've eaten in the past; sweet and sour snake might be gross, but maybe it's delicious and exquisite. I wouldn't know; I've never tried.

2. It could not be some gross concoction of foods I've eaten. No "marshmallow and flounder topped pizza."

I came up with 2 answers, both rather simple:

1. PB&J sandwich. Love PB, love J, hate 'em together. Sickening.
2. Cream cheese sandwich. Cream cheese on a bagel with lox and tomato? Delicious. On plain bread - white bread is the worst, for some reason? Gag. Shudder. Shudder and gag.

Donny's answer:
Pizza topped with pineapple and barbeque sauce. And yes, he actually ate that once.

Ariella's answer:
Garlic, cooked carrots, sushi and shwarma. A weird combination, but those are her Least Favorite Things. (She actually spent the rest of the day discussing and analyzing this question. This should come as no surprise to anyone who has met her.)

Yaakov and Nadav did not play, but Yaakov's answer would probably be Something that Yesterday I Found Extremely Delicious But Now that You Went Out and Bought Ten, I Hate Them.

Nadav's answer would most likely be "Shabbat food," since for some reason the meals I put the most effort into are the ones that usually end up spewed and thrown all over my floor.

Loyal Readers, your opinions, please?

"Roses, Wildlife; Wildlife, Roses"

Soon we will leave on vacation. God willing. And we will have adventures and fun and ice cream. Before we do that, I wanted to share a very fun, ice-cream filled adventure we had last Friday. Seriously. No snark here.

Every year, the Microsoft Israel office has a "Give" campaign, with different things employees can bid on. This year, one of the items was a private tour of the safari in Ramat Gan. Donny thought that would be fun so he bid on it. Apparently, no one else did, because we actually won! Won something cool! Not like, "Here is your large pile of crumbs of unknown origin!" or "Someone will throw basketballs at your head every day for a month!"


They asked us when we wanted to have our day of fun (or DOF, as it's known in DADZ-verse), and naturally I picked the Friday of the 9 days, the no-swim-no-beach-how-do-we-entertain-our-kids-all-day day. We were told to get there at 7:15 so we could be there to help feed the animals before they opened at 9:00.

Digression alert! An all-too familiar parenting moment: Knowing we wouldn't have time for breakfast in the morning, I prepared food to take with us. I cut up fruit, made sandwiches and bags of cereal, put water bottles in the fridge on Thursday night so they'd be cold. I packed granola bars and crackers and tissues and diapers and wipes and a trusty plastic bag for whatever might need a quick disposal. As we're about to head out on Friday morning, this thought runs through my dear husband's head: Huh. We've got these kids! Let's see, there's one...two...three! Three of them! From what I remember, kids need food! We should probably - wait for it - take some with us! Let me tell Gila about this plan. She'll most likely swoon from the excellent parenting skills I am displaying.
"Should we take some food for the kids?"
[Patented withering mother look.] "Yes. What a good idea you had."

We arrived, and met Miki, who works at the safari. The first thing she did was drive us over to where the tractor is. Yaakov, Ariella and I got to ride on the feeding tractor. It has a big container with the animal feed on the back, and as we drove through, the farmer dude let out the feed and the animals came THIS CLOSE to us.
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No zoom here, folks!

I have lots more cool pictures from the tractor, but I don't want to run the risk of becoming the "Look at all these adorable pictures of my child in slightly different positions staring at the camera with a gob of green gook on his cheek! Awwww!" blogger

There were lots of different animals. Deer and deer-like animals, something that I thought was a wildebeest (from my multiple viewings of "The Lion King") although the safari map said they were actually gnus (gnui?) - but wait! Google says that a wildebeest IS a gnu! Score one for wildlife education through Disney movies! Rhinos, hippos, birds that are not part of the safari but come for the free food, ostriches, and more that I can't remember.

Then we walked around the safari and got to feed giraffes,



chimpanzees (it's only 11 seconds, don't be afraid to click),



and saw the lions in their sleeping cages.

Then we got a tour of the animal hospital (where the tzedakah money actually went.)

Then we got to hang out in the safari with the "regular" people, which was nice (only Ariella, who has gone the past 3 years with kaytanah, had ever been to the safari before), but it was super hot and somewhat of a letdown after our cool backstage tour.

Ariella decided to ride a pony. Yes, that equestrian hat was on the lice-ridden head of hundreds of other little girls and boys. We performed a thorough combing that afternoon.



So, even with our 6:00 wake up, it was a great day. And big shout-out to Donny, who, despite the earlier food incident, really came through for us. Not only did he win this very cool tour in the first place, but he gallantly offered to ride behind the tractor with the cranky one-year-old while I got to ride on it and meet some of our hoofed and snouted friends. And that, people, is true love.

Upgrading

Technology. It can make things so complicated.

In the last week, I've been waaaay upgraded. Donny bought me a new laptop (which I am using right now; doesn't this post feel streamlined and sleek? Not to mention lightweight with sharp sound?) Also, he bought me an iPhone and a Bluetooth ear thingy.

But Technology requires special care and attention. Sort of like children. (Also: Both shouldn't be dropped.) Files needed to be transferred from the old computer to the new. Contacts had to be switched from phone to phone (and some disappeared on the way - if anyone sees some lost names and numbers wandering aimlessly around Modiin, send them my way.) And the Bluetooth just plain didn't work, necessitating a trip back to the store.

While I played with my new cool toys, my thoughts kept drifting back to the days before WiFi and cellphones.

I mean, cavemen certainly didn't have text messaging that could be accomplished with a few flicks of the finger. If they wanted to invite a friend to a party, let's say, they had to find a large rock and scratch onto it, "r u coming l8r?" then go outside of their cave and hurl the rock to their neighbor. If it didn't hit their neighbor on the head (text messaging has had its dangers since the beginning of time), the recipient would read the rock and hurl one back: ":) cant wait"

Once people discovered transportation, they got themselves the heck away from those damn caves and spread out to all four corners of the land. It became much harder to hurl rocks, so the Pony Express was started. Courageous riders would travel for days, traversing treacherous mountains, fording deep rivers, sleeping under cover of leaves and spilling their coffee all over themselves; this was before cup holders were invented.

Finally, the rider would reach his destination to deliver the important message. The delighted recipient could finally read the note he or she had been anticipating for months: "lol"

Yes, Technology has come a long way. And despite its occasional neediness, overall it has made our lives simpler. I, for one, have certainly benefited. In the old days, "blogging" meant touring the countryside, singing, dancing and juggling dangerous objects to entertain your Loyal Peasants. Now, I can just make stuff up and press "Publish." Way easier.

My August is Longer than Your August

So kaytanah just zipped right on by, and now it's Camp Mommy. Actually, kaytanah ended on the 26th. I thought to myself, "Kids are in camp for July, then they are home in August," so technically, my August started on July 27th. And let me tell you, it's been a looooong month. We are going away to the north with the rest of Israel after Tisha B'Av, so I just gotta make it till the 15th. (Of course, after vacation, there's almost a full week at home before school starts. But shhh....we're not going to talk about that.)

I thought I was being so smart by buying lots of art projects and workbooks ahead of time. Plus, you know, going to the pool. Unfortunately, the 9 days had the nerve to fall right during the weeks my kids are at home with nothing to do. Damn you, leap year! (Although it was nice that Pesach was after tax season, so Momz and DADZ could come, so, yay, leap year!)

Let's check in on all of my Grand August Plans, now that we're one week in:

"Ariella will love her workbooks!" - Ariella does love her workbooks. So much so that she finishes about one a day. Don't know that Israeli workbook production can keep up the pace.

"The kids will spend all afternoon doing art projects!" - The kids spend about twenty minutes doing an art project. (And that's average - about 30 minutes for Ariella, 10 for Yaakov.)

"I'll bake with them!" - We did make sugar cookies, and the kids did all the rolling and decorating. Time: Half hour (although I was sweeping up little sprinkles for days.)

"I'll make a schedule for them! With planned and organized activities every half hour!" - Ariella's response: "Can I do a workbook instead?" Yaakov's response: [stares mutely at me, sucking his thumb]

"I'll have a chance to work when Nadav naps and the kids are playing quietly!" - There's a reason "Bring Your Kids to Work" day is only once a year.

But it's also given us a chance to bond, and chat, and discuss burning questions. For example, when Yaakov, out of the blue, asked how babies come out, and I told him, and Ariella exclaimed, horrified, "But that's really small!" (Don't worry, two seconds later they were on to something else, probably chasing Nadav as he attempted to eat some paint.)

Or today, when Ariella pontificated about the 9 days:

"I think it should go like this:
First day - no meat for breakfast.
Second day - no meat for breakfast or lunch.
Third day - no meat for breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Fourth day - all of the above, plus no laundry.
Fifth day - all of the above, plus no weddings or birthday parties.
Sixth day - all of the above, plus no swimming.
Seventh and eight day - all of the above, plus no wine.
Except if one of those days is Shabbat.
Then Tisha B'Av!"

The Ease-Into-It Plan. Awesome. I can't wait till she starts paskening.

The Negotiating Table

[Scene: Shabbat afternoon, post-lunch. Donny and I are struggling not to fall asleep directly on our cholent.]

Me: Guys, if you let Mommy and Daddy sleep when Nadav goes in for his nap, I'll pay you four shekel. Each.

Yaakov: Five shekel.

Donny: Four shekel if you play nicely together, one shekel if you also clean up after.

Me: "Playing nicely" means no fighting, no screaming and don't wake us up unless a limb is missing or there is a copious amount of blood spurting from somewhere.

Yaakov and Ariella: Okay.

We shake hands all around.

I sleep for two hours.

Best 10 shekel I ever spent.

An Afternoon at The Roses

Well it seems that another blogless week has gone by. Where does the time go? In the meantime, summer has been rolling merrily along, or maybe it has been rolling around on the floor, hitting its sister. Either way.

We are now in our 3rd week of kaytanah, otherwise known as the second to last week of camp, or the final full week, since next Tuesday marks the last day of camp. Then it will be Camp What Are We Doing NOW? for two weeks, then VACATION! followed by another week of Camp WAWDN.

Yes, kaytanah is sadly very short in this country. And the children are not in tzaharon, so their day is very short as well. They've been entertaining themselves in Tzaharon Shel Ima. Here's how a typical day goes:

1:10 I walk in the door with Yaakov.

1:10 - 7:00 Yaakov eats.

1:30 - 4:00 Yaakov wanders around the apartment, sucking his thumb with Blue Blanket over his head, completely uninterested in any of the hundreds, nay thousands, of age-appropriate activites we have lying around. (Unless it's a designated Movie Day. On those days, Yaakov sits, sucking his thumb with Blue Blanket by his side, glued to the tiny portable DVD screen. But only Yaakov fully understands the complexities of movie-day designation.)

1:30 I put Nadav in for a nap, because everyone, especially Mommy, needs some Quiet Time.

1:45 Ariella walks in.

1:45 - 7:00 Ariella eats.

2:00 - 4:00 Ariella finishes another "Minheret Hazman" book, which is a shame because we were just at the library yesterday and she's now finished her allotted 3 books. (2 for Yaakov, 3 for Ariella. She reads one on the way home from the library, one that night, and one the next day. I exaggerate. But only a little.) I suggest reading an English book. She suddenly decides it's time to cut her nails.

4:00 - 5:30 Time to Do Something. Pool, playdate, buy Nadav shoes (hey, it counts as an outing!) Doing Something usually involves packing a very large bag full of everything, except the one thing we desperately needed.

5:30 Ariella sighs dramatically, "What do you want from me??!!!" (The events that precipitated the declaration change from day to day.)

5:45 Nadav climbs on a stepstool (from which the only way down is Falling), eats a fuse bead, tries to escape through an open door, empties the contents of his dresser onto the floor, eats wipes, toddles around the house shrieking (it's his War Cry), gets his fingers caught, tests the theory that the sippy cup is 100% spill-proof (it's not), eats something he found lying around somewhere, and then is very, very quiet because he's busy coloring all over the floor.

At some point, there is dinner. Don't ask me why.

6:00 Yaakov and Ariella get into a screaming/hitting match. Which is amazing, because neither of them started it.

6:15 Something I do or say is "Not Fair."

6:30 Baths, maybe?

6:45 The children sense that bedtime draws nigh. Suddenly, everyone is calm. Pajamas are put on, teeth are brushed, and Yaakov decides he wants to get into an intense game of Cars and Trucks, the same Cars and Trucks he refused to even look at during the afternoon. Ariella sits down quietly to do an art project. Nadav happily plays with blocks and kitchen toys.

So that's a typical day at the Roses. Times and activities are subject to change without notice. Yesterday, for example, I surprised them with Play-Doh. "Why don't I do this more often," thought I, as they entertained themselves happily, making Play-Doh creations. Then I saw the Play-Doh stuck on the floor, their clothes, and a box of seltzer. Nadav was picking off the Play-Doh Yaakov had squished into the table and eating it. And then I remembered why.

Ramblings: Special Shout-Out Edition!

My Tired friend has a gentle way of nudging me and reminding me that I need to blog. Usually she calls me "Dude." Then I know I'm in trouble for being a neglectful blogger.

So I dedicate this post to her. Even though I am jealous that she is leaving me to sweat here in 35-degree weather while she picks blueberries in beautiful 80-degree Maine. (I may not be bilingual, but I am bi-degree-al.)

Here are some thoughts swimming around in my head, similar to my children, swimming around the Modiin pool, although my thoughts do not shout at me, "Watch me, Mommy! Are you watching? YOU DIDN'T LOOK!"
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1. Why does God, in His infinite wisdom, give children the ability to desire things before the ability to articulate said desires? ("Unnnnnhhh! UNNNHHHHH!" is just not cutting it.)

We often "UNHHH!" our way through the entire toy basket. Nadav clearly wants something, so we take out everything. The red ball. No! The blocks? No! Mommy's old pocketbook? NO! Piggy bank, MagnaDoodle, truck, frisbee? Nononono! The...red ball? YES!

2. Why do Israeli children count starting from three? Anywhere you go, when kids want to count, like before jumping in the pool, or starting a race, etc., you hear, "Shalosh arbah VIH!" And they never finish. It's never "VIH-chamesh!" Just "VIH!" Like a numerical cliffhanger. I wonder if this continues in adulthood.

Surgeon, preparing to move a patient from the stretcher to a bed: On my count everyone!
[Staff, in singsong]: Shalosh arbah VIH!

3. A special shout-out to a new blog on the blogroll: kidsarenapping. The blogger is a friend of mine and mom of twins (boy and girl, since I know you wanted to ask). She writes in a way that will have you nodding your head and going, "YES! I know EXACTLY what you mean!" Even if your kids have come one at a time, I guarantee you will enjoy her blog.

4. Another shout-out to my "SISTERS" in Baltimore, on the birth of a son/nephew. However, let me be clear that this is the LAST shout-out until I see some COMMENTING!!

5. And a shout-out to myself, the newest blogger at Jewish Values Online. (You can access the blog here ). If you want to know which blog entries were written by me, just look for my code name at the bottom: "gila."

I'm always on the lookout for interesting topics to blog about over there, so if something catches your eye, let me know and I will bring my formidable blogging powers to bear on the topic of your choice. (And yet another shout-out, this time to A Mother in Israel, for unwittingly providing me with some of the recent blog topics.)

6. Well, I am just about hoarse from all these shout-outs. Time to rest the blogging voice. (But hopefully not for too long, Tired.)