We make a decision, and I don't sleep

So we were narrowing it down. "Youth director at YIOP or aliyah without a job"? What would we choose...?
Every other scenario involved too many compromises and changes, especially if our goal really was living in Israel. If I got the YD position, it was a good compromise of saving money for a year, not having to work too hard, and being able to plan aliyah for the following summer. For our 8th anniversary, I met Donny in NY for dinner and a show, and that was when we made this decision. (For the summer, Donny was with us in Baltimore on the weekends and flying to LI work during the week.) So now we had to wait. Of course, the 2 weeks became 3, and at this point we were wondering if maybe the job wasn't so much in the bag. I kept going back and forth between which outcome I wanted. If I get the job, we'll save money, have time to buy all the things we wanted to get before we go, have more time to regroup. But then we're basically pushing off our life and having this weird year of waiting. And what if I was unhappy in the job? It can be hard living and working in the same Jewish community. But if I don't get the job, then we are totally insane, doing everything we said we would never do, we'll have no money, we could totally combust and fail. But, we would be following our proverbial dream, and the sooner we go, the easier for the kids. Once again, we were waiting - unlike the first time, when our aliyah depended on Donny getting a job, this time, it depended on me NOT getting a job. Sort of ironic. All the while, Donny continued to be in touch with the recruiters in Israel, but there were no changes.