End of Ulpan, and Oy, Those Kids!

First of all, welcome to new, sure-to-be-Loyal-Reader "Michael Scott," because that's how Ahava wanted to be welcomed. We are so glad to have you with us on the program! "Michael" asked the following penetrating question: If "Bernie" (that's "Dov" or "Dadz" to you Loyal Readers) claims he loves the blog so much, why has he not yet posted a comment???? Aha! The Million Dollar (or Hundred Poofah) Question! The answer is, Michael, that he doesn't know how. A while a go I offered 100 New Poofahs to whomever could help Dadz post a comment. You probably all thought Momz had those NP's locked up; however, she has not yet been successful. So the contest remains open - the Poofahs await you, Loyal Readers! Help a poor man post a comment! While you're at it, can someone PLEASE help Dadz "figure out" Skype? He "downloaded" it at the office, but says it's not "set up" yet so he can't "use it." He desperately needs some "help."

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Jonathan, your sister Leezy would like to get in touch with you. Please call or email her as soon as you can. Remember that she is 9 hours ahead of you, so be considerate!

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Let's see what else there is to discuss, or as they say in Hebrew, "l'daskays." [Here are some other English - Hebrew gems: "y'publishu" (they will publish), "koonfag" (configure, in the passive pual,) and "mefubrak" (fabricated, again in the pual).] Speaking of Hebrew, today was my penultimate day of ulpan. As my sister Leezy would say, a tear. Every day, Sunday through Thursday, for five months, I have been sitting in my ulpan classroom, trying to stuff my head full of Ivrit while dodging the occasional ball that came through our window, dealing with the crusty shomer who gave us dirty looks if we left early, and putting up with the rancid odor from the sink in the room. Well, every day except for days when I needed to go to some misrad. And when my parents were here. Or when Ariella was sick. Or Yaakov. Or Donny. Or I needed a Lisa Day. But you get the drift. Many many hours were spent in ulpan, until we have reached this point: I don't always refer to my son in the feminine anymore. I usually get the tense correct, although I still avoid the atid whenever possible. I can conjugate pi'el in my sleep. I have reached a tentative truce with nifal. I have completed the tests and will receive my nifty ulpan te'udah in a few weeks. All that's left is...speaking in Hebrew for the rest of my life! No problem!

In other children news: One might think (as I did) that when one has a child of a rather "challenging" nature, the next child should be "easy," to even everything out in the Great Cosmic Child-Rearing Cosmos of Life. Well, I am here to let you know that the Roses are single-handedly messing up the Great Cosmic Cosmos of Child-Rearing Life. Ariella - while a terrific sleeper - does not have the easiest personality. Let's just say that at the tender age of 3, we were called into a meeting with her teacher, the principal, and the school psychologist. Let's just also say, that when we told people we were moving to Israel, they said, "Oh, Ariella will fit right in!" And they were not referring to her love of chocolate spread. We thought that Yaakov, once we got passed the horrid stages of not sleeping or taking a bottle, would be our easy, sweet one. Well, he's got a little personality on him as well, and our "easy, sweet" one has been hitting at gan and yanking actual hairs out of children's heads. (Of course, he would target the ganenet's own son.) Anyway, the morahs are concerned about his behavior, as, of course, are we. So I suggested we start a Bribery Chart! (I'm sure I called it something much more PC and used words like "motivation" and "channel his energy." In my book, however - "Leave Me Alone so I Can Read the Paper," in case you forgot, - I will call it what it is - a bribery chart. I bribe my children and am PROUD of it! (Maybe that's going to be my sequel...) Basically, the way our little "motivational system" works is, if Yaakov uses his hands nicely, neither hitting nor pulling hair - both at home and at gan, he will receive a little tchotchke at the end of the day. If not, no tchotchke! Luckily, we started off on a good note. He had a good day at gan, received his prize, and caught a glimpse of all the other prizes in the bag, which will hopefully spur him to further good action. Or, in the words of my mother, "We'll see how long this lasts." Thanks for the encouragement, Momz!

Poll results: You people are STRANGE! The winning answer for the question: Should the Minister of Polls be allowed to vote is...."tizkeh l'mitzvot ulma'asim tovim." Not sure what to make of that people, except to say that Lisa was not successfuly in rallying random people to vote "no." Better luck next time, Lisa.