10 Lessons in July

Things I have Learned This Month

1. [Gleaned from the Good Time Boys and Girls next to us at the beach] If you want an edge in the race to get melanoma, emphysema, and cirrhosis, you should definitely bring your beer and cigarettes into the water with you.

2. I love, love, love, love not making aruchat eser.

3. If we had American-style Sundays every week: Yaakov's brain would turn to Disney-induced mush. [Learned this past Sunday, because Donny's grandfather (aka "Zaidy" or "Great-Zaidy") celebrated his 90th birthday with a party Sunday afternoon, so Donny worked from home and Yaakov got a "yom chofesh" from gan.]

4. If you stay indoors during the week, making only quick escapes in your air-conditioned car to the mall (underground, and therefore cool, parking) or shopping (go early in the morning before it gets too hot), then summer here really isn't too bad. Really.

5. However, if you stay indoors all of Shabbos because shul is a long, hot walk away (uphill both ways, I tell ya) and you can't face it with 3 kids and schlepping the stroller up and down 5 flights of stairs, you WILL GO NUTS and end Shabbos curled up in your bathtub, whimpering, hiding from The Mess in the living room and from the two children shrieking like maniacs, using empty water bottles as swords. So you should at least get everyone dressed Shabbos morning and go downstairs to wait for Daddy and play in the wind tunnel between the buildings so you see the great outdoors and let the kiddies play Throw the Cars Into the Dirt.


6. Playing Lions with Yaakov is strangely satisfying. Even if I always have to be Scar.


7. However, playing Shells with Yaakov is not. (This is non-numerical War, in which you each take a pile of shells, then put out one, and the person with the bigger shell takes both of them. You can imagine the blatant cheating that went on, and probably guess who won.)

8. The children (well, the two that screech hysterically when you tickle them, instead of looking at you quizzically) are formidable opponents in Memory. However, this talent does not cross over into Real Life, to wit the many evenings spent in frantic search for Bunny and Blue Blanket right before bed.

9. Neck folds: Where spit up goes to die.

10. Fridays are good. Last year I was grumpy that no kaytanah had camp on Fridays. This year, I enjoy having one day a week (even if it's only for two months), where no one has to get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, find tik, and get out the door. Well, they do have to do some of those things. They just don't have to do them right away. Ahhhh....summer....