Tuesday, March 22, 2016

A Semi-Coherent Rant about Princesses

Or in the words of my Tired friend: PLEASE CALM DOWN!

It’s Purim time! Which means it’s time for the Facebook feminists to get their panties in a bunch. Sorry, didn’t mean to stereotype. Panties or boxers, either way, your choice, no judgments, you’re a rockstar.

Purim brings out the feminist hand-wringing among the members of the League of Progressive Women. Mothers literally weeping over their precious Future Leaders wanting to be princesses and sparkly things instead of a fire chief or Congresswoman. Like they have let down the entire feminist movement and have failed as mothers and women if their smart, athletic, strong, opinionated (but god forbid never beautiful) daughters want to wear a tiara.

These women need to do princess therapy. I suggest locking them in a room with a dozen tiny Elsas and make them mutter over and over “Princesses can be feminists too. Princesses can be feminists too.”

I cannot figure out why for self-proclaimed feminists, “feminism” must always equal “Do not be feminine.” Isn’t feminism all about “we can do whatever the hell we want?” Why does “whatever the hell we want” have to exclude anything that smacks of femininity? Why is our goal to be as un-womanlike – and as much man-like – as possible? Isn’t that the exact opposite of feminism? (Side rant: Who says men are doing it right anyway? Example: A mother is feeling guilty about something, say, missing a school function because of work, and we say “Stop with mom guilt! Would your husband feel guilty?” Well, first of all, he probably would. But his guilt would be more along the lines of “I feel bad that I cannot be at this school function. But there is nothing I can do about it so I will move on in life,” and not tie his worth a father and a person to whether or not he is at this one school play. Second – let’s say he truly feels no guilt – who says that’s a better way to be????? End side rant.)

Also – you say you are raising your opinionated strong athletic glowing smart daughter to have her own thoughts and opinions. And what if that opinion is “I would like to dress as a princess for Purim?” Why is that a non-legitimate thought in your eyes? “You can be feminist, but only as I define it.” Sometimes, parents, – this may come as a shock – it’s not all about you. Your child’s opinion or choice is not necessarily a reflection on you or your parenting skills (or lack thereof). Children are entitled to their own opinions because – wait for it – they are not actually you. Your daughter is her own separate, individual person with her own thoughts and brain and ideas.

I would also like to ask these progressive women: Do you wear makeup, nice clothes, heels? Do you shave? Yes? Is it because you are conforming to some impossibly high standard set by our patriarchal and misogynistic society? If so, and you simultaneously bemoan your tiara-wearing daughter – you’re a hypocrite. If it’s because you are doing this for yourself to feel good about yourself, then why can’t you daughter wear what makes her feel good and special?

A final note by my Tired friend: The princess phase ends. By the time they are in upper elementary/middle/high school, they will have moved on to other types of costumes (many of which are much more time-consuming to prepare, btw, so say goodbye to pre-packaged ease). If they dress up as a princess, it will be in an ironic sort of way. So just enjoy the cute sparkly princess phase while it lasts, because along with adorably mispronouncing words and liking you, this too, will end.

This post has no ending because I believe endings are something contrived by our male-dominated society and I am a progressive woman who will only end her posts if she damn well feels like it.