Thursday, February 19, 2015

A Simple Guide to Getting Out the Door in the Morning

Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup. Eventually give up on the sleeping beauty; she’s on her own. (Where “on her own” = “gets to school late”)

(Thought: If we could combine the tween’s sleep with the twins’ sleep, we would have kids that slept all night and woke up on time. A person can dream.)

Eat breakfast. Pick out the pecans from your cereal. Request bowl wash in between cereals #1 and #2.
Stand on the kitchen chairs to measure your height against your brother's.

Ask what’s for dinner. Wrinkle your nose at the answer.

Tantrum about something (Mommy said no TV in the morning, which you totally didn’t expect because she always lets you watch TV. Or is it never? Either way, an outrage. Or, you cut your shirt in gan (on purpose, with scissors) and you are angry that Mommy won’t buy you a new one. Or, you wanted to sit in the middle seat for breakfast. Or, you wanted the glass bowl. Or, you wanted to be first and your brother had the absolute chutzpah to wake up before you. Or, you want to wear your costume to gan in January. Or we don’t have the cereal you wanted and Mommy can’t make it appear out of sheer force of will the lazy bum.)

Leave the breakfast table to search for the eensy weensy little bead you stuck way inside your drawer of crap. Cry when you can’t find it. Upon return, complain that cereal is mushy and demand bowl wash.

Get dressed. Find only one shoe. Argue with Mommy about the necessity of changing your underwear. Complain about the lack of requisite tightness in shoes, the offensiveness of sock seam, the scrunchiness of underwear. Search frantically for watch. (It was in your bag the whole time).

Continue your Lego project/art project from the night before.

Find your brother’s leftover Tropit on the dining room table (a disgusting Capri-Sun like drink, only with less good taste and more grossness) and take a sip.

Need reminders to put on your shoes, brush your teeth and put your food in your tik. Every single day. Because maybe today’s the day that the food is going to learn to jump in itself and surely you wouldn’t want to stand in the way of such progress.

Ask who invented electricity, what does Mars look like, how does an eruv work, were the ancient Romans were around when the state of Israel was born, why don’t eggs turn into chickens, have you seen my watch.

Finally, after one more bathroom trip, drink of water, last minute panic of "Where's my sweatshirt????" (on the floor, probs) and "Whoops forgot my water!" (I guess, today is NOT the day, then), we are OUT THE DOOR!

See? It’s that easy. 

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

The S Word

One of the most popular words to use in regards to babies is "schedule." What is my baby's schedule, what is your baby's schedule, what should my baby's schedule be, how do our schedules compare, etc etc etc. Getting a baby on a schedule is super easy, since anyone who has had a baby can attest to how eagerly they adapt to doing the same thing at the same time every single day. This makes it a breeze to plan time for outings, making dinner and peeing.

The "s" word is even doubly (haha) popular when it comes to twins. "Keep them on the same schedule!" "When one eats, the other eats. When one sleeps, put the other one down! Same schedules is the only way to survive!" Obviously you can do this no problem. Because when one baby gets up to eat, it is a cinch to wake up the other one and convince her that she also wants to eat. You won't be pulling out your hair in frustration while making annoyed grunting noises as you spend half an hour patting and ticking and undressing her so that she's alert enough to eat well. It also won't make you drip tears at all to wake up this baby, this very baby that took hours to put down.

And if that doesn't work, you can always try the opposite approach. Babies love to hear "You can't eat now; your sister is still sleeping. Just go back to sleep and we'll eat soon." Probably the first twin will just smile adoringly at you and snuggle back in her crib for some good, solid shut-eye. Babies are super easygoing like that. (Actually, I - I mean, a friend of mine, total scheduling loser - has given up and just lets the babies eat and sleep when they want, because schedules are just too much work, and she figures by the time they're 7 they will eat at the same time, because the bell will ring at 9:40 for aruchat eser and they won't have a choice.)

So you will all be relieved to hear that not only do our babies have a schedule, they have the same one! That's right! Here's what a day looks like for us:

5:00 am - 9:00 am: At some point during this time, the babies will wake up and eat

9:00 am - 4:30 pm, Part I: Eating, and its related activities of peeing/pooping/spitting up. I never always make sure to look at the clock and see what time they ate so I can be sure to schedule the next feeding appropriately.

9:00 am - 4:30 pm, Part II: Napping, preceded by the fun activity of Putting Babies Down for Nap. The babies always take two naps, a short morning one and a longer afternoon one. They never have days where they take three short naps, or days where they don't nap at all, or days when the time spent rocking exceeds the time spent sleeping, or days when they only catnap, or only nap on me, or take one superlong nap. Never.

4:30 pm - 6:00 pm: Being ignored or held, depending on level of fussiness

6:00 pm: Time for 6:00 bottles!

8:30-9:30 pm: Bedtime!

Then, between 9:30 pm until sometime the next morning, the babies will get up to eat. They get up exactly the same time as it says on the clock.

And that, folks, is how you ROCK the schedule thing! Feel free to print out this schedule and hang it on your fridge to use for your own little angels or when you simply need a good laugh.