Nivim and Unfunny stuff

First of all, thanks to Momz and her close reading of the blog. She caught a mistake I made during my "strudel" rant - apparently I put the "nekudah" in the wrong place. Oy vavoy! I apologize to anyone who tried to use that email address (blahblahblah@.walla.co.il) Good thing she caught that - I have now fixed the mistake, and Momz, I say to you, "WALLA!"

BREAKING NIVIM NEWS....BREAKING NIVIM NEWS....BREAKING NIVIM NEWS

Thank you to my Loyal Anonymous Reader (you know who you are) who sent me my own copy of the BYLine (the Bais Yaakov alumni newsletter.) As promised, the teacher interviewed is none other than.....Mrs. Steinhart, of Nivim fame! Apparently, I am not the only one whose sole memory of "Ivrit" in Bais Yaakov is memorizing nivim! In fact, so enamored are the alumni of their stockpile of nivim that Mrs. Steinhart has created an "Alumni Nivim Contest!" No, I am really not joking! (I kinda wish I was, though!) There are 10 nivim printed on the newsletter - actually a photocopy of Mrs. Steinhart's own handwriting, how nostalgic - and whoever can explain seven of them correctly will be entered into a raffle. In addition - yes, folks, it gets better! - if you remember the English idioms that Mrs. Steinhart taught us for two of the nivim, you get entered - are you sitting? are you ready for this? - a SECOND time! Ohmigod! I might actually plotz from the excitement! All I can say is, tovim hashnayim min ha'echad, baby! (Sadly, that is not one of the ten). I am DEFINITELY going to... bring this into ulpan on Sunday and show Irit, because she will get a kick out of it.


Now, as you may have heard, there is a war going on here in Israel. I haven't said much (read: anything) about it because, frankly, it's not very funny. However, Ariella and I became part of the "war effort" yesterday. There is a program in a couple of cities in Israel to bring homemade cookies to the chayalim. So a woman in Modi'in was coordinating the effort here, and I figured it seemed like a worthwhile thing to do. We like chayalim, we like cookies - what better than to bring them together? Yesterday, Ariella and I made very festive sugar cookies (but not the kind you have to roll out because we have NO CLUE where our rolling pin is, so we made the kind you refrigerate and then cut.) This was the first time Ariella had heard about this war. It could be they're doing something in gan, maybe saying a special tefillah or something, but if they are, she has no clue. So I was explaining about the war, and how we're very safe here in Modi'in (which is true - it's kind of strange how life is completely normal here, in terms of going to school, shopping, etc. As Donny said, if there was a war raging in New Jersey, you can bet that people in New York wouldn't be going about their daily lives. But that's how it is here.) Anyway, I told her that that the chayalim might be sad because they miss their families and they might want a treat, so we are going to bake cookies and draw them a picture. Ariella had, as you can imagine, a number of questions. (She likes to thoroughly investigate an issue from all angles. Don't even ask about our numerous discussions about how babies get in and out.)
1. When do the soldiers sleep?
2. Do they have to fight in the night?
3. Do they have time to eat?
4. Are the bad guys like Yaakov? 'Cuz he can be bad sometimes. [Yes, but he's little and he's not trying to really hurt anyone.] Oh. These bad guys are big. They should know better.
5. Should we give cookies to the bad guys? 'Cuz maybe they're hungry also. [No.]

Today I dropped off the cookies at the woman's house. Apparently I'm not the only one. When I got to ulpan, my teacher told us that she has a nephew in the army, and he came home for a weekend and said, "I don't even want to LOOK at another cookie!" (Well, it's the thought that counts.) In Super-why-don't-you-sign-up-for-our-credit-card-sol, they have boxes of goodies - energy bars, chocolates, Bissli, etc - you can buy at a discounted price that they will send to army bases. So I did that also. Basically our chayalim will be coming home from this operation very fat. They are going to have to roll these guys home. "Come on [grunt]... help me push Katzav...up....this...last...hill. Shoulda...laid off....that last....sugar cookie."
Anyway, the "matzav" is obviously on our minds at all times and we are hoping this war ends quickly and that the good guys win.

Strudels and playdates

We have spoken before about the tendency in modern Hebrew to take English words and just add an "rrrrrr" to them, and voila, a new Hebrew word has been created. There are many, many examples of this phenomenon. Hoo-ree-kahn = hurricane; op-tzi-ah = option; for-ma-lee = formal; and a new one I just heard this morning on the radio: win-win situation = win-win situation. Now, as an aside, sometimes this liberal use of transliteration bothers me, as an English geek. There is an etymology behind English words that gets lost when they're simply transliterated. For example, the word "psychologist", aka "pesicholog" is a combination of "psyche" and "ologist" i.e. one who studies ologies, or something like that. So why not use a translation of "psychologist," which would connote the same meaning in Hebrew? Why transliterate something which becomes meaningless in your language? And then, there are very simple English words which for no good reason are not transliterated. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "strudel." This is what Israelis call the @ sign in an email. I've heard this a number of times and each time it makes me laugh out loud. Today on the radio, the radio announcer announced, in his very deep, macho, radio-announcerish voice, the email address for whatever it was he was advertising. (Chocolate spread? Pinkasim? Supersol credit card?) He said, "blah blah blah STRUDEL walla.co.il." (Just by the way, I think "walla" is a pretty funny word as well. Walla!) I mean, seriously folks! Since when do we decide on a name for our symbols based on the closest baked good they resemble? Is the word "at" really that difficult a concept to understand? Is it hard to pronounce? Are Israelis peeved that we don't have a masculine and feminine version of it? Clearly, it is beyond my comprehension, but there you have it: "at" has become "STRUDEL." Say it with me! gila STRUDEL gilaanddonny.com! CNN STRUDEL.com! It just trips off the tongue, doesn't it? Kinda like strudel....hmmmmm.....

Tonight we had an old-fashioned playdate. I mean, REALLY old-fashioned, like the silent movies of old. This evening, Shirat came for a playdate. This is the little girl that has invited Ariella twice to her home, and Ariella has been dying to have her over. So tonight we finally coordinated ourselves and Shirat came. Shirat, as well as Ima Shel Shirat, speak only Hebrew. It was interesting watching Ariella play with Shirat. While the usual girly chatter was absent - and anyone who has spent five minutes with Ariella can tell you she is the absolute Master of Chatter - they did manage to communicate and I was impressed with Ariella's comfort level with Hebrew. She obviously couldn't say everything she wanted, but she was definitely confident in what she knew. First they colored, then played dress-up, then we took out Candyland, because it speaks the universal language of colors, then I explained "Go Fish" to Shirat and they played that. Apparently they have a version of Go Fish in Israel, but they do not call it "Lech Dag." In any case, Shirat was more than adept at playing the game, and Ariella learned a new phrase: "Yesh lach?" Then they had dinner and colored some more. All in all I think it was a very successful playdate and I was proud of both Ariella and myself for handling it with such finesse! Next week, we are hosting a very intense playdate with five of the kids from gan - it's part of this program where each kid hosts five other kids, and you have to send invitations and do all sorts of activities. It is intense work being the parent a five year old in Israel. I will, of course, keep you posted on that, but I was glad to have had a bit of a "rehearsal" playdate with Shirat, quiet though it was.

Shabbat and Parsha

Well, folks, it was a close race, but there is a clear winner in the polls - the next poll will be about what we should discuss on this blog. It was close for a while, with "Blog" running neck and neck with "Encoded message to Jonathan" but then "Blog" pulled ahead with 50% of the vote. Thanks to all those who voted; your "I Heart Wasting Time on Aliyahbyaccident" t-shirt will be coming in the mail any day now.

We had a lovely Shabbat with Yael, Yossie, and Hanani who came all the way from Jerusalem and didn't get lost once. They brought with them some excellent Jerusalem bakery desserts, so we gave them pillows as well as blankets to sleep on. Ha ha! I'm just kidding! Of course we don't demand ransom from our guests in the form of baked goods in order for them to receive pillows, or blankets, or lunch. At least, I think I'm kidding. Hmmmm. It's not a bad idea, though....
So Shabbat was very pleasant and there was even a big kiddush at shul, yay for yerushalmi kugel, and then for lunch we had the New New People in Dimri. You will recall that a few weeks ago New People moved in, and we decided that we could go against the Dimri grain and actually invite them for a meal on Shabbat. It worked out so well, we decided to go for it again when someone else moved in! We have appointed ourselves the Official Dimri Welcoming Committee. We are the president, vice-president, secretary, treasurer, and Foreign Minister (because sometimes the new people come from Canada.) Anyway, our Shabbat guests are the New New People, being that they are newer than the Old New People. So they came for lunch with their kids and we had a nice time, and of course we played Jewish geography and it turns out that the wife and I were at Stern at the same time, and the husband is a fellow nerd like Donny but worked for IBM so he and Donny got to dueling with their motherboards. But overall everyone had fun although if more new people move in I think we'll have to give them code names, because it's going to get really complicated once we have New New New People.

What else, what else....Last night Donny went into J-lem for an engagement party for his cousin. (His cousin lives in America, but the fiance's family is from Israel, so they came here to get engaged.) Apparently, in Jerusalem, it is winter. One can actually see one's breath. This explains why the Blochs came for Shabbat armed with their winter coats, which would only have been necessary if they hadn't brought baked goods and we confiscated their blankets.

Tonight Ariella did her parsha sheet with Zaidy. It's not actually a parsha sheet; I mean, the questions are from a parsha, but not necessarily the one we're currently reading in shul. I am under the impression that my daughter is learning Chumash in gan, but I can't be totally sure. In any case, she and Zaidy have a standing "parsha"-date every Sunday. Usually Zaidy is at work on Sunday, because it is ALWAYS "almost the fifteenth" so they just do it over the phone. Today, however, due to Leezy's visit to America (you'll have to read her blog, rakshniya.blogspot.com, to get the details, if, ahem, she ever UPDATES it), Zaidy made the unprecedented decision to stay home on a Sunday morning. So Ariella was able to Skype with Zaidy and see as well as hear him. I believe this was more fun for Zaidy than for Ariella, because he spent a good third of their time together making funny faces and sticking out his tongue into the camera. My five year old was rolling her eyes and wondering when they could get back to work, but the important thing is Zaidy was having fun. It must have been like when Early Man discovered fire and just played with this new toy all day long, until Early Woman whacked him upside the head and told him to do something useful with this new technology instead of just making shadow puppets.

Anyway, I am really scraping the bottom of the blog barrel here, seeing as I have nothing really new to report so I'm just writing random things, but at least, Cheryl, Sharon, and Shoshana, it has given you something to do besides work.

Tests and Timers

****This post is dedicated to Sharon, who should be writing anecdotals****


First of all, for those of you sitting on shpilkes ("shpilkot" in Hebrew), I did well on my oral ulpan test. There are two tests - the oral was this week, and the written is in three weeks. The oral test is basically 5-10 minutes of talking (duh) and you need it to determine your level for the written test. On Tuesday we all had a "practice" day in class and went through the sections of the oral test with our teacher. The first section is talking about yourself, when you came to Israel, your profession, your family, etc. The second section is pulling out a random card and following instructions on it. No, it doesn't say, "Run through the building wearing only tube socks, clucking like a chicken. In Hebrew." It was "situations" (aka "situatziot" in Hebrew) like making a doctor's appointment, inviting someone to a movie, etc. The third section is telling a story about yourself. So we all went around and practiced on Tuesday. On Wednesday, we had a regular day of ulpan, and we each went, one by one, to the teacher who was testing us. (Each ulpan teacher tested a different class.) I think I did okay, I told the story about walking through the pouring rain to get to the train on Chanukah, and for the most part, I had my past, present, and future tenses correct. We're not allowed to find out our scores, maybe because, like the driving instructors, they're afraid we'll rise up and kill them if we don't like the grade. In any case, our teacher, Dahlia, told us later in the morning that we all got level "gimmel" and we all did well. Phew!

So I have been having timer issues. There is a timer on our oven, which seems super convenient, because if you want to time something that you are cooking, what better place to put the timer than on the actual oven! If I am cooking on the stove, let's say, noodles, since we only eat that like 100 times a week, the timer works beautifully. 12 minutes, it beeps, my children have noodles. The problem is, if I am timing something and simultaneously using the oven, the timer gets very overwhelmed. For some reason, it will not only shut off itself midst-timing, it will also shut off my oven. So if I put something in for thirty minutes, at approximately the eleven minute mark (or twenty-five, thirteen, or four), the oven and timer will go on strike. "No more!" they say, standing together in solidarity. (They're unified like that.) So I stopped using the timer on the oven, because I was mad, and instead used the temperamental "Remember-what-time-I-put-that-in-the-oven" timer. It's not very reliable. In any case, during one of our Friday excursions, Donny and I were in a store which sells....timers! So I bought one. Yay! I thought. I used it Friday afternoon to time my chicken. I was glad to not have to rely on my own mental capacities (which are fuzzy at best by Friday afternoon) to remember when to take out the chicken. However, the time on the timer and the time in actual, real life did not seem to jive. After a while, I realized the timer was, sadly, broken. Let's just say that there have been eleven minutes left for my chicken going on a week now. So on Monday, I stopped in another store to pick up a timer. But I didn't know the Hebrew word for timer. I start explaining to the lady that I want a clock for the kitchen, but it's not really a clock, and I don't know the word...."Mishkal? (Scale?)" she offers helpfully. I shake my head, no, it's something you use when you want to know when your food is done. Her eyes light up with understanding. "Ahhhh....timerrrrrr," she says. Yes, folks, the Hebrew word for "timer" is "timer" but pronounced like "time-air" with a nice rolling "r" at the end. End of story: Today, I went to yet another store, asked for a "time-airrrrr," purchased a nice, American-looking digital one, and was all set to use it tonight for my cooking marathon when I realized I had left it in the car.

In another news.....(do you think I overuse that phrase?)....welcome to "Danny," the newest member of our Loyal Readers' Club! And don't forget to vote in the poll - it's a close race this time, and your vote could actually determine the content of the next poll! You have a voice in this blog, ladies and gentlemen! You can make a difference!

Ulpan, Parties, and Polls

First, kappayim to Risa and Cheryl for not falling asleep during the dikduk discussion (see: previous post.) Good job, ladies! But Cheryl, is it only "boredom at work" that keeps you reading the blog? I mean, what about the penetrating insights, the scintillating discussion, the perceptive perceptiveness? Do those key features of this blog not entice you to keep hitting the "refresh" button in the hopes that another shrewd analysis of something or other will appear on your screen?
But hey, I love readers, so I'll take you, even if I'm only an alternative to boring work.

So today in ulpan I asked a question that turned out to be somewhat embarrassing. I was reading an article in our Easy Hebrew Newspaper, and came across a phrase I didn't understand. I asked the teacher, and as I read the quote out loud, I realized not only what it meant, but that it employed a rather crude term. She delicately responded, "Ze lo ivrit gevohah," as I simultaneously said, getting slightly red, "Oh, hayvanti. Selicha!" (It turned out the phrase meant something along the lines of "Live life to the fullest," but, and not to get too graphic here, "eggs" don't always mean "eggs." I'll leave it at that.)

Ariella went to her first Israeli birthday party yesterday! How do I know it was an Israeli party? Was it because for "dinner" before the cake the kids were served pita and chocolate? Was it the abundance of Hebrew being spoken? No, it was because the party was Monday and Ariella got the invitation in school on Sunday. I mean, in New York, invitations to birthday parties are sent out weeks, if not months, in advance. Perhaps 5 year olds in Israel don't have such busy social calendars, because, depsite the lateness of the invitation, the room seemed pretty packed. I ran into Shirat's mother at the party. Shirat has had Ariella over to her house twice now, and we're trying to invite Shirat to come here. Shirat's mother (her name in Hebrew is, "Ima shel Shirat," because that is what the parents call each other - "Ima shel _____"). So I see Ima shel Shirat in shul, or at school occasionally, and we always have these awkward conversations, because she has almost no English, and my Hebrew conversational skills are pretty much used up after "Shalom! Mah shlomech! B'seder!" Anyway, Ariella had a great time at the party and the mom ("Ima shel Achinoam") said Ariella participated very nicely and was surprised we had only been here four months.

In poll news: Thanks to everyone who participated in our "Favorite Nivim" poll! Here is some scintillating analysis of the poll, for all of you who are bored at work: Kappayim L'Dov!

Be sure to vote in the new one - there's only a few days left! Also, our Loyal Readers Club has stagnated at seven members. Come on and join! Free car to everyone who signs up! (Remember how I said you would get a free t-shirt if you joined? Remember how then I said I was lying? Similar thing happening here.)

So That's Why They're Called Chickens!

First, some overdue shout-outs to some Loyal Readers/Posters who have not been shouted-out to yet: My former third grade teacher, Morah Taragin, who feels personally responsible for only teaching us "hoveh" in third grade and not attacking "atid." Don't worry, Morah Taragin! (I actually couldn't remember if we called you "Morah" or "Mrs." and when I asked my mother, her response was, "Don't remember. Cheesh, it was when you were eight!") Anyway, the point is, we wouldn't have been able to memorize atid as well, what with cramming for our "Third Grade Poetry Play" and all. (My poem was about mud squishing between my toes. I am still traumatized to this day. What eight year old girl wants to get up and talk about "mud" and "toes?" Although I guess it doesn't matter, since, "cheesh, it was when I was eight!" I'll just repress any emotions I felt before nine.) Another BY shout-out to Ora "N" Thav, former 12Cer, who is very worried that there will be a quiz on nivim or sufganiot. Don't worry, Ora, since you have such good attendance on the blog you will be exempt from the quiz. And Sharon, I'm glad you, too, are reading the blog instead of writing anecdotals, and if you like, I can write a note to Morah Sara taking full blame for the blank pages.


Let's see....Shabbos was nice and relaxing, no company, Donny took the kids to shul Friday night. Yay! I read the entire "Tales of Beedle the Bard" which was sad because I was looking forward to reading it so much and now it's finished. As they say in Israel, "Ani maytah al JK Rowling." Then I continued my Shabbos ulpan with the Israeli version of Cosmo. I figured I should read stuff in Hebrew, but it doesn't have to be boring! So I read an article and I understood most of it, which I was happy about. Friday night we started our new phase of Operation Get Yaakov To Go To Sleep. Donny held him on the couch and wouldn't let him get up, or climb, or do anything except sit. He said to him, "Yaakov, you are categorically banned from going to sleep. You may not go to sleep. You must sit here with me on the couch."

Historical anecdote: Now, we need to give....get ready for it...kappayim l'Dov! See, this parenting idea started about 23 years ago with Dadz. There is a tale that is now part of Leibtag lore, for Momz and Dadz had a similar (although much worse) case of Not Going to Sleep-itis with my brother, Aaron. The story starts on a dark night, much like tonight. Aaron refused to go to sleep. So Dadz, in an act of heroism, stayed up with Aaron all night. Of course, at a certain point, Aaron was very tired and ready to go to sleep, but Dadz would not let him, and made him stay up. (I may have alluded to this story in an earlier post, but now you get all the gory details.) And so it went, Dadz learning at the kitchen table, Aaron hysterical, Dadz refusing to let him go to sleep. Sounds cruel, but it worked! So well, in fact, that these days, Aaron would gladly sleep through the night and most of the next day as well. Anyway, the idea seemed to work with our little Yaakov. After about ten minutes, Yaakov got really bored/tired. He started begging to go to sleep. Donny "considered" the request, and eventually "relented." Yaakov, so glad to be released from the couch, practically ran to bed. Yay! Score one for the parents, until Yaakov figures out our plan and we're back to square one.


A funny Ariella story: Friday night, we had chicken for dinner. (I know, very original.) Ariella started asking me questions about the chicken bone - "Why is it called a leg?" - and we realized she did not know that the "chickens" on the farm are directly related to the "chickens" on the table. We explained to her the farm-to-table process. She asked, "But if we kill the chickens, how come they're still around?" And when that had been satisfactorily explained, her face lit up with understanding. "I get it! The reason they call them 'chickens' is because they have 'chicken' on them!" An "aha" moment if there ever was one!

Home (not so) Alone

So this week has been pretty boring. On Monday Ariella and I had a mind-numblingly boring day at home so she was more than ready to go to gan on Tuesday. Monday night we met the Balsams at Burger King for dinner, for one last Chanukah hurrah. Technically, it wasn't Chanukah anymore by the time we ate, but you get the picture. Of course, Tuesday morning there were the usual fights about not wanting to go to gan, despite the mind-numbing boringness of the day before, but I had a surprise weapon in my Bribery Arsenal - I promised Ariella we'd go for ice cream after gan. That, plus wearing her new sweatpants did the trick and we all tramped out the door. On my way to ulpan, I decided to check the mail. Our mailbox is not near the main entrance of the building, so I often forget to check it. Also, in New York there was more motivation to check the mail because there could be treats, in the form of magazines, especially my beloved People. Here, there are only bills, takeout menus, and lots and lots of ads for cleaners, babysitters, texis (that's Hebrew for taxi). So I'm not terribly motivated to check the mail every day. But I figured it had been long enough. And lo! A surprise awaited me. This Tuesday was "ki tov, ki tov" indeed because in the mail was.........MY LICENSE!!!!!!!!!!! It's official, folks, I will never have to take another driving lesson/test again! My favorite part of the license is the picture, because I'm wearing my favorite purple scarf. In America, they give you trouble if you show up in a hat or scarf, so I always made sure to wear my sheitl for my license picture. Granted, it was a little strange showing up at the DMV in my sheitl when I was sixteen, but what can you do. Ha! Just kidding! Let me clarify - I've always worn my sheitl for license pictures since I got married.

In ulpan, we are continuing to prepare for our test, part of which is next week. There is an oral test, next Wednesday, and a written test, which is the last Thursday in January. It's a three-hour test! The best part is how they scheduled it - right smack in the middle of the day, from 1:00 - 4:00. Of course, this messes everyone up, because almost all of us have kids in gan/school that need some sort of pick up/transportation/food during that time period. The reason for the timing, from what I heard, is that there are two ulpans - the regular morning one, and an evening one that meets twice a week. So they decided to make the test right in the middle of both of them, so that everyone is screwed! God forbid they do something crazy like, I don't know, administer it twice? Anyway, I've already told Donny he needs to work from home that day so I can take the test and officially be considered "fluent." (Shalom! Ma Nishma! Hakol b'seder?) I'm sure Donny has forgotten, so Donny, consider this your reminder. January 29th. You, Ariella, Yaakov. Be there. It's a little crazy that ulpan will be over in a month (February 5th is the last day, for those keeping track.) Because I still can't put together a coherent sentence. I know lots and lots of words now, but conjugating them so the sentence makes sense is a totally different story. (For example, "I am bored" is VERY different than "I am boring" but in Hebrew, the difference is one tiny, little "vuv." Darn you, hufal.) Actually, "hufal" is preferable to my nemesis "nifal," which, as Donny reassured me, is just a kal gone bad. Not so reassuring. And forget the future tense. I am TERRIBLE at atid. From now on, I live my life solely in the past and present. I did learn one great trick, though - if I can put the word "tzricha (need)" or "yecholah (able)" before the verb, then I can get away with using the infinitive, and thereby bypass the need to conjugate. For those of you who are still paying attention to this lengthy digression into dikduk- and the only people who are are Shoshana, who will do anything not to write her anecdotals, Donny, Nafi, though he doesn't even read the blog but Lisa does, and Dadz, who will read it in a month from now and call to tell me he's all caught up - I thank you for your patience. To everyone else, I'm done now! You can wipe the drool off the side of your face and refocus your eyes!

So the reason for this long and rambling post is that I am home today with the kiddies and not really doing much. Yaakov woke up with a bad cough, and in the past I would have marched him off to school, but I figured I should be a good mother and let him stay home and hack all over me, instead of the other kids at gan. Ariella, sensing that Yaakov was about to have a day off, suddenly had a very bad headache. But the truth is she has been coughing a lot, as have I, so I figured might as well have a day at home. Also, keeping her home has the added advantage that there's someone to entertain Yaakov. We're off to the doctor later (not until the evening, because that's when the English-speaking doctor is there.) and until then we'll have a day of making huge messes in the living room and, of course, food shopping.