Tuesday, February 3, 2015

The S Word

One of the most popular words to use in regards to babies is "schedule." What is my baby's schedule, what is your baby's schedule, what should my baby's schedule be, how do our schedules compare, etc etc etc. Getting a baby on a schedule is super easy, since anyone who has had a baby can attest to how eagerly they adapt to doing the same thing at the same time every single day. This makes it a breeze to plan time for outings, making dinner and peeing.

The "s" word is even doubly (haha) popular when it comes to twins. "Keep them on the same schedule!" "When one eats, the other eats. When one sleeps, put the other one down! Same schedules is the only way to survive!" Obviously you can do this no problem. Because when one baby gets up to eat, it is a cinch to wake up the other one and convince her that she also wants to eat. You won't be pulling out your hair in frustration while making annoyed grunting noises as you spend half an hour patting and ticking and undressing her so that she's alert enough to eat well. It also won't make you drip tears at all to wake up this baby, this very baby that took hours to put down.

And if that doesn't work, you can always try the opposite approach. Babies love to hear "You can't eat now; your sister is still sleeping. Just go back to sleep and we'll eat soon." Probably the first twin will just smile adoringly at you and snuggle back in her crib for some good, solid shut-eye. Babies are super easygoing like that. (Actually, I - I mean, a friend of mine, total scheduling loser - has given up and just lets the babies eat and sleep when they want, because schedules are just too much work, and she figures by the time they're 7 they will eat at the same time, because the bell will ring at 9:40 for aruchat eser and they won't have a choice.)

So you will all be relieved to hear that not only do our babies have a schedule, they have the same one! That's right! Here's what a day looks like for us:

5:00 am - 9:00 am: At some point during this time, the babies will wake up and eat

9:00 am - 4:30 pm, Part I: Eating, and its related activities of peeing/pooping/spitting up. I never always make sure to look at the clock and see what time they ate so I can be sure to schedule the next feeding appropriately.

9:00 am - 4:30 pm, Part II: Napping, preceded by the fun activity of Putting Babies Down for Nap. The babies always take two naps, a short morning one and a longer afternoon one. They never have days where they take three short naps, or days where they don't nap at all, or days when the time spent rocking exceeds the time spent sleeping, or days when they only catnap, or only nap on me, or take one superlong nap. Never.

4:30 pm - 6:00 pm: Being ignored or held, depending on level of fussiness

6:00 pm: Time for 6:00 bottles!

8:30-9:30 pm: Bedtime!

Then, between 9:30 pm until sometime the next morning, the babies will get up to eat. They get up exactly the same time as it says on the clock.

And that, folks, is how you ROCK the schedule thing! Feel free to print out this schedule and hang it on your fridge to use for your own little angels or when you simply need a good laugh.


Batya Medad said...

Even with one, the schedule is impossible. When a hospital nurse chastised me for breastfeeding when the baby wanted, not by the clock, I told her that if my three year old can't tell time, how can we expect to newborn to do so...

Anonymous said...

I am 7 month pregnant and you've just saved my life - THANK YOU! My baby will learn to stick to a schedule within seconds of popping out of the womb! :-)

No, seriously, this is very helpful - I had my last baby 20 years ago and have forgotten virtually everything about babies apart from the fact that they like to pee in your face when you remove their nappy. It helps a lot to know that chaos is the norm rather than the exception with a small baby (which the husband doesn't believe, being a devoted worshipper of "Why French Parents Aren't Losers" or whatever the book is called.)!

charles said...

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