Friday, November 12, 2010

End of Week Ramblings, Part II

Well, Loyal Readers, I had started many a post this week, only to abandon them because they were Not Funny Enough. You see, we at aliyahbyaccident are all about qulity control. We striv to make sur all off our posts are funy, entertaning, and freee of sillye spellin and grammer mistaks?

So, while it may seem like the dearth of posts this week is a bad thing, it is really because we are concerned that what you read here is Quality Entertainment. We except nuthing lest.

And now, for the End of Week Ramblings....

1. I don't think I've shared Yaakov's latest bit of Torah commentary with the Loyal Readers. Ariella was doing chumash homework one night, related to Noach and the flood. Yaakov piped up, "I know who the sons of Noach were! Cham, Kar, and Yafet!"

2. I have discovered the surprising ease of using "nerot." This is our euphamistic Israeli word for "suppository." Nadav was sick this week, and instead of contorting myself to hold down his arms with my hands while simultaneously shoving a syringe of Acamoli in his mouth with my feet, I simply used a "candle." Kid didn't even flinch. Just sat there, sucking away on his fingers.

3. Earlier this week, I texted Donny the following: "There are such extreme levels of incompetence here. It boggles the mind."

Readers, I challenge you: About what did I text this?

a. The pharmacy

b. The supermarket

c. The bank

d. The post office

Now, Loyal Readers, if you answered "e. All of the above" you would not be incorrect. However, in this particular case I was referring to....the Post Office! (All of you who guessed "d" give yourselves a hearty pat on the back.)

I loathe visiting the post office almost as much as I loathe Friday pick-up when half the roads are closed due to "construction." (I have yet to see any perceivable difference in the "before" and "after" shots of the construction that goes on here. Sometimes, I think they actually create pot holes and uneven paving.)

Anyway, the post office is just an unnatural aberration of an institution. Only at the post office can you:

1. Pay your bills
2. Get a library card
3. Pay for your temporary license
4. Do your banking, if you're Unka Jonafin
5. Oh yeah, and get stamps and pick up packages and stuff

So basically, the line is always long and interminable - sometimes I think they actually hire extras to stand in line and make our post office look really busy, maybe in hopes of winning some bizarre post office reality contest. And please, can someone tell me what the point is of Binder Lady? This is the employee hired solely to ignore customers as she busily scrutinizes the contents of a Binder as thick as my accent. To top it off, the contents of this Binder, people, are handwritten. Yes, a throwback to the old days - perhaps Dadz remembers it? - when we actually wrote things down. How quaint! Logging incoming packages with a pen and paper. Truly, it boggles the mind.

4. The fridge is stuffed with Too Much Food now. We are having company tonight, so I made Too Much Food, in the tradition of Jewish housewives since Sara, who originated the multiple-courses concept when she served milk and meat to her guests. However, come Sunday night, we will be shocked at the total emptiness of the same fridge, as we contemplate how we can make dinner out of old olives, two eggs, and a bottle of ketchup. Wish us luck.

5. Shabbat Shalom!



1. I guessed "e" altho you didn't offer it.
2. Dadz should be typed DADZ - apparently your spellcheck is faulty.
3. "Nerot" - hahahahaha! they look more like missiles to me - equally painful nomenclature ($10 word).
4. You could do a blog about the sweet, clean, organized, full-fridge feeling of "just before Shabbat" and compare it to the grungy, smelly, crumby feel of "just after Shabbat." Or I could. Or I just did.
5. Shabbat Shalom to my favorite blogger of all time.

Risa said...

Thanks for keeping the entertainment needs of your loyal readers in mind and for, as usual, a very funny post. I loved Yaakov's story about Noach's sons. Regarding Nadav, what is acamoli, some sort of avacodo based medicine? From your description of what will be left in your fridge after shabbos, you could make shakshuka! (Are you that Israeli yet?) Also, Momz's comment gave me an idea, she should start writing her own blog as (a) I know how computer-literate she is and (b she has great comments and could tell embarrasing stories about her kids. She could call it: Momz Musings. (Okay, maybe that's a bit lame.)

faith/emuna said...

if you spelled it momz muzings it would be a little less lame.
shavua tov to all

Risa said...

Gila, Momz, are you loyal commenters on to something?

Gila Rose said...

Acamoli is children's tylenol. (Acamol is regular tylenol.)

And if Momz started a blog I would totally be a Loyal Reader.

Risa said...

I understood what acamoli was from the context. My comment about the acamoli was a feeble attempt at a joke. Sounds like guacamole (although I am not sure how you pronounce acamoli), it's medicine, you can it from there. Sorry, I guess it wasn't funny. (You know what they say- if you have to explain a joke, it's not funny. This is the proof!) I shall refrain from further attempts at weak jokes in any future comments.


No, No, Risa, we love your jokes! Don't stop! YOU could do a blog, Risa's Rantings - that is, if you have anything to rant about.

Gila Rose said...

Risa - my bad! It was not a feeble attempt at all. Anyway, you're already in Commenter's Hall of Fame for the brilliant comment about the Little Tyke's shul with the side that comes off for the breakaway minyan. Donny and I still reference that.

Risa said...

Momz and Gila, Thanks for your vote of confidence! You are two of my biggest fans! And if I have chocolate chip cookies, I am sure you can guess who my two littlest fans are.