Thursday, October 3, 2013

It's Tuesday. Do you know where YOUR ramblings are?

(^ It's now Wednesday. Deal with it. Thursday. Sheesh!)

It's been a while since a good ramble. Here we go!

1. First (which I guess I didn't need to write, because, you know, "1."), mazel tov and מזל טוב to my good bliend (blogger friend) over at Jerusalem Stoned, on the birth of her son! Yay!

2. Second, I realized, flipping through the pages of a precious, colorful, picture-y, shiny,  howdoIloveyouletmecounttheways magazine, that at 34 years of age, I can pretty much give up hope of ever understanding "makeup." To wit: If I haven't figured out by now how to "apply blush" without looking like I've overheated or contracted some rare, tropical cheek disease, it ain't happening. (But: Where was I that it was so tropical? Maybe I can go back, when I'm healed?) Also, I will never be able to make my eyes "pop," no matter what In Style promises. (Except to walk into the living room during Tent Construction. "But we NEEDED every single blanket and chair. And we needed all the books, game and puzzle to keep the blankets on the chairs!" They pop pretty nicely then.)

3. First day of school after Sukkot: Like the first day of school, only with more of the dread and none of the excitement. Blech.

4. Note to self: Nadav is not always truthful when he announces: אמא, אני הולך לישון ואז לא עושה פיפי במטה שלי!

5. Also, do not call his new shoes "shoes." What are you, a commoner? They are to be referred to ONLY as "na'alei sport" are you writing this down??

6. Fact: When offered the choice between a flu shot for my children (just show up) and the flu mist (requires a prescription and signing up in advance) I say, "Shoot 'em up."

7. For you Parenthood fans out there: Much as I loved Gilmore Girls, Sarah and Amber are a MUCH better mother-daughter combo than Lorelai and Rory ever were. Rory always kind of annoyed me.

8. Could this week BE any longer? #chandlerforever

9. Sorry, Nadav, the thing you found in Mommy's bathroom with the brightly colored shiny wrapper was NOT a lollipop.

10. I'm a big fan of DIY fruit. My heart sinks a little when the kids spy a mango.

11. People! It is NOT a "sheva bracha." Even if you are referring only to one of the parties, you still say all seven blessings! Sheva brachot. "Seven" is always plural. Except if it's the name of a movie, or some weirdo celebrity's kid.

12. You guys, the state of the house is so bad this week, even the Emergency Layer* has an Emergency Layer.
*Emergency Layer: The worst of the filth in your house that you must clean before you puke. You spend about five minutes cleaning it, because that's all you have. You just have to remove the grimiest layer. Here, it usually entails wiping the sticky milk off the counters and sweeping so you stop crunching with every step. Basically, "When Your House Resembles a Slum, It's Time to Break Out the Broom!" is what I always say.

13. I have ANOTHER cavity. This makes me irrationally indignant. Like, I take good care of my teeth! Why is this happening? Why do bad cavities happen to good people? And I keep feeling the need to clarify to everyone -- dentist, his assistant, the secretary, random people in the office -- that I don't really deserve these cavities. Because I don't want them to think I'm hygienically negligent. (You can just see them dragging me out of Oral Hygiene Court whilst I yell passionately, "But I floss every day, Your Honor!")

14. Today's Heblish: Ariella didn't hear me waking her up this morning "because I was sleeping so tight."

And that's a wrap. How are things with you?


Eliana said...

Oh I like your emergency layer. The implication is that it is OK to have layers of mess :)

Alissa said...

Oh, layer. I was trying to figure out what the heck an Emergency Lawyer was and what one had to do with the state of your house.

Makes much more sense now...

JerusalemStoned said...

Oh, thank you! I am honored to be your bliend! Could I BE anymore touched?

And also, the emergency layer. Yes. And also,the makeup. I thought that when you're old enough, the knowledge just comes to you,but apparently, no, partly because you have to buy the makeup first.