Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Of Firefighters and Messy Floors

We'll start with the messy floors. See, clumsiness + difficulty bending = more POC than ever on the floor. Just yesterday, I was trying to get something out of the pantry. As I did, several other food items fell out. "Huh," I said, staring down at them, all forlorn on the floor. "Sorry about that, guys." I walked away. They just stayed there, the bag of animal crackers, package of rice and potato chips. Donny was no help, because he doesn't even notice that there are contents of our pantry spilled out onto the floor. (You know how Stephen Colbert doesn't "see race?" Donny doesn't "see mess.")

So unless the bag of rice jumped up and bopped him on the head, or perhaps texted him, no way he's even going to see it's there. I was finally motivated to (OY!) bend down and put the stuff away when Yaakov came home, made a beeline for the mess, and said, "Ooooh! Animal cwackahs! Do you know what, Mommy? [Actually, that comes out, "Dohwha, Mommy?"] In a vewy vewy vewy long time I didn't eat any animal cwackahs. Kaihavesome?" At that point, I grumblingly swept the mess into my arms and threw everything back into the pantry. Until next time, guys.

Meanwhile, Purim has started early in our house. I always debate whether to buy the costumes early, thus ensuring a good selection, instead of picked over itchy clown wigs, or later, so as to avoid weeks of "Can I wear my costume NOW, Mommy?" But it is physically difficult for me to push things off to the last minute, so yesterday afternoon, we headed out to Kfar Shaashuim, "Your Purim Headquarters." They truly have every gun, tiara, fairy wings, sword, mask, and hat you could ever dream of. If you've always wanted to be a firefighting ninja pirate cowboy, complete with glossy lipstick, you should totally check out KS.

PS I was amused by the selection of "adult" costumes in the back. Which were truly, uh, "adult." If you catch my drift.

I tried to interest the kids in the racks of costumes that were outside - i.e. cheaper. They had soldier and policeman costumes, but Yaakov was not interested in reviving Pajama Soldier Boy. So inside we trooped. After about 15 minutes of browsing through the racks, attempting to move through aisles that were about five inches wide, we settled on Fireman for Yaakov, and Supergirl for Ariella. The fireman costume - "kabai" in Hebrew - is awesome. It's a jacket and hat with tons of accessories - a hatchet, hose, walkie-talkie, and fire extinguisher (which you can put actual water in, which I will not actually do). So at least it's a toy investment as well. (As the package so insightfully points out: "The new field for the children to play, and they can find pleasure in it naturally!" Um, my thoughts exactly.)

And Ariella's costume was a remnant from last year's stock, so it was "on sale." No, these costumes are not cheap, and if I was a good parent, I would make something really creative instead of blowing money on costumes every year. Like take a piece of tape, a paper towel, and a shopping bag and somehow create a dazzling princess costume. Complete with tiara.

But then, if I was a good parent, would I be authoring a book on child-rearing called "Leave Me Alone So I Can Read the Paper?"

And when they were each really little, I did not buy little tiny baby costumes for them. I think we put a duckie towel on Ariella for her first Purim, and Yaakov got a "cape" made out of a pillowcase that read "DestructoBoy" on it for his. So I did my part for "creative Purim costumes." (By the way, check out the chapter in my book entitled, "Buying Purim Costumes: Save Your Creativity for Something Really Important, like Explaining the Feminine Product that Fell Out of Your Purse.")

Tonight the kabaim came out in full force (Ariella joined in as well), and they ran around extinguishing fires. Phew. I feel safer with them around, truly. Now if I can only get them to pick up that pile of napkins that fell on the floor....


mother in israel said...

He doesn't see mess? What a bracha!

Commenter Abbi said...

I seriously haven't laughed out loud this much at something i've read on the internetz in a really long time. I even read the whole purim part to my husband and he laughed out loud too. You got two pple laughing tonight! Way to go! and I'm sending this to my friend who insists on making purim costumes every year.


Wow, this was one for the ages. You MUST give us more Yaakov-talk in future blogs.

And I thank you for delicately not letting your readers know that your own mother was a complete loser in the purim costume department. I appreciate it.

Arica said...

Glad to hear KS still has costumes. I have been dreading going as I can't fit through the store with the stroller-ugh-who makes a TOY store that you can't fit your kids into??? I better get there before they are out of the cheap costumes!

LeahGG said...

Yes, my husband also doesn't see mess. As in, he will kick the same object twelve times, but not bend down to pick it up unless specifically asked.

However, he still complains that the house is messy.

Though I do admit his tolerance is very high.

The first year I was a mom, I made Kinneret's costume. I bought a blue coverall thingy and put red lines on it with numbers to show the current level of the Kinneret. Then I made her a duck out of felt. On the back, I wrote www.water.gov.il. Nobody really got it, but I thought it was really funny.

Last year, she was a clown, but she tore all the pompoms off of her costume, so I don't think we can re-use it for Ephraim.

faith/emuna said...

gila im suprised that you feel guilty about buying costumes.

Gila Rose said...

Let me just say for the record, Momz, that you were NOT a complete loser in the Purim costume department. There was the year I dressed up like Dadz (we were CUTE!) and the year I was Princess Leia (no, no, not in THAT Princess Leia outfit; just a backwards robe and bun-ny hair. And my brother was Luke.) Not too shabby.

OneTiredEma said...

"Buying Purim Costumes: Save Your Creativity for Something Really Important, like Explaining the Feminine Product that Fell Out of Your Purse."

This is totally how I would do it if my daughter were not wearing her regular dress up dress we already have. (I have to buy butterfly wings and a flower crown to go with. don't ask how it goes with. I don't know.)

And my son refuses to dress up as anything. Seriously, he had a whole conversation with the guy cutting his hair tonight about how he's not going to dress up because he's a "yeled katan."

OneTiredEma said...

Oh, and also, that line I quoted? That was THE BOMB :)