Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Guest Blogger: Nadav

Thank you, Baila, for understanding my need to get some of my ideas out. It was a good idea you had, that I should write a blog to celebrate my first birthday.

Apparently there was poem written, ostensibly "in my honor," though I believe I was muchly mocked. I wouldn't know; I can't read. In any case, I thought I should set some things straight, and Mom was able to tear herself away from her precious computer for a few brief moments to let me share my thoughts.

(Oh, how I compete with that computer. And you should see her! If I fall on my face, does she care? Not a whit! "Oh, you're okay, you're okay," she says, but if the Internet is down, now THAT is a tragedy. "Quick, quick we have to fix it!" she cries frantically.)

Anyway...uh oh, hold on a sec....Mom, where are you going??? I know you said I could use the computer, but you're not going to leave the room, are you? You know that you must be within my grabbing distance every waking moment!

Okay, that's better. So let's begin.

"He doesn't sleep through the night." Um, the night is like, a really long time to be by myself. Of course I want to get up in the middle and have some time with Mom. Also, I don't have to share her with the other 3 kids (Ariella, Yaakov, and Laptop.) It's just us. Also also, she kvetches a good game, but I'm in bed by 7:30, so I get a nice long stretch of sleep until I wake up at 2 or 3 or 4. Is there anything stopping her from going to sleep at 7:30? In fact, I think she'd be a lot less grumpy if she started on the Nadav Sleep Plan.

But nooooo, she has to wait for the other person, I like to call him Not Mommy, to come home and they eat dinner and watch TV together. (I know this because in the early days, I was able to join them for these evenings. No longer, my friends, no longer.)

"He's a picky eater." I look at it this way: I've reached the peak! Instead of spending weeks, months, years figuring out what foods I like and don't like, I'm finished! I got it all covered. Yogurt, fruit, cheddar cheese, Waffle Crisp, and cake. What's so wrong with that? I'm not a picky eater if you just only, and always, give me what I like! And then when they try to sneak in some chicken or meat, they complain...

"He spits out food and throws it on the floor." Well, duh! If you'd already put in the hard work of figuring out your dietary needs for the rest of your forseeable future, and then someone came along and tried to mess with that, you'd have some words, too! But I don't have any words. So I spit and throw.

"He flings his toys." Yes, I do! What a rush!

"He tries to climb into the toilet." Well, they shouldn't have made it baby-sized if they didn't want babies to climb in it. That seems pretty obvious. Same thing with toys. If you don't want me to put it in my mouth, don't make it so temptingly small! It's common sense, folks.

Oh, and then she "plays" with me by sitting on the floor and flipping through a magazine while I entertain myself, thank you very much. It's no wonder I have to invent games like Eat the Marker and Tissue Toss. I'm totally on my own!

So that's all I gotta say. It's time for us to take naps, part of the Nadav Sleep Plan - wait, what's that? You don't all sleep in the afternoon? Ahhh, that does explain a lot about the grumpiness.... anyway, I'll check in with you all later. Thanks for listening. And remember, let's keep this between us, shall we?

8 comments:

Risa said...

Guest Commentator, Elan: Nadav, as a fellow one year old, I completely concur with your observations. I don't appreciate being served cut-up chicken, when I would much rather prefer my fishy-shaped fish sticks and don't even get me started on vegetables. The mushed up kind were ok, but that was like so 6 months ago. A suggestion: when you begin to talk, refer to all beverages as "milk," which will give you an excuse to throw your sippy cup becuase you were served milk, when you really wanted juice.(Extra points if the sippy cup hits a big sibling, just don't be surprised if they retaliate.) In the words of the Fresh Prince, "parents just don't understand."

Isreview said...

:) and Happy Birthday!

SaraK said...

This should really be in a magazine. Hilarious.

Kathleen said...

Great post Nadav! It's good to hear from you and thank you for setting us straight on what we hear from your Ima.

Gila Rose said...

Risa - when are you and Elan getting your own blog????

Nadav would respond to each of you himself, but he's already asleep. Busy gathering material for his next post, I imagine....

Baila said...

Well, it's about time, Nadav, you told us what really goes on in ABA household. Although really, your description does not differ all that much from your mom's. Hasn't she explained about the parenting book she's writing? The EW magazines she has to read quickly lest they become to outdated for dear friends? The ABA prizes she has to order, pick up from the post office, then mail out to all the loyal readers who are winners? (and we all are winners here at ABA). The facebook tutorials she has to give DADZ? Sweet Nadavush, your mother is raising you to fend for yourself, to never be a frier in this great country of ours that is so bigoted against frierim. You really could be a tad more appreciative.

Before I leave I do have to say how wonderful it is that you can't read, but you can write. Amazing.

Looking forward to your next post.

Eliana and Michael said...

Oh Nadav if you only knew how each of us would relish an afternoon nap :) And to baby Elan--I'm surprised with how many fishies my children eat that there are any left for you!

Gila Rose said...

Thank you Baila. You can write the intro to my parenting book.