That's right. It's me, Nadav, and I am tired!
See, I start off most nights in my crib. With a hard mattress. A hard mattress that wasn't even picked out with my lovable self in mind. No, this crib was chosen before I even came along, when my parents were still trying to figure out how to have the perfect baby. (Only took them 3 tries. Not bad.)
What I'm saying is, this mattress is old. And it's been through stuff, if you know what I mean. Pee, spit-up, and, well, there was this one time when Ariella was a baby and Mommy put her in her crib, naked, for a few minutes, and in that few minutes...let's just say we'll file it under, "Pee and Spit-Up, Things That Are Grosser Than."
So occasionally, I wake up in the middle of night, probably from a bad dream ("I'm sitting in my highchair, throwing my spoon on the floor, and no one is there to pick it up! AHHHH!") And I cry. Predictably, Mommy comes rushing in, all bleary-eyed, and gets me. Win!
I try to go for the gold--Breakfast! I point to the living room, then to my highchair, grunting my sweet grunts all the while. Mommy tries to explain to me that it is the middle of the night, it is dark, and we do not eat breakfast now. Uh, lady, I know all about electricity. Flip on one of those lights and BAM! Instant morning!
Usually, however, I am unsuccessful in getting breakfast. Not that it stops me from trying, though. So then we end up together in Mommy's bed. I fall asleep on her, and then she unceremoniously dumps me off her. But it's okay. Mommy's bed is big and soft and comfy.
So here's the part she doesn't understand. Her job is done. I'm in her bed. She can go now. But she doesn't. She tosses and turns and uses this big heavy unnecessary blanket. Hello! Footy pajamas! Never need a blanket! Sheesh.
And the bed is kind of crowded, what with her, and her blanket, and her pillow, and her wads of tissues. And then, I try to move from a vertical to a horizontal position, like any normal person, and my foot ends up in her nose! Or, I engage in some hand flinging, and a finger ends up in her eye! Ewww! She should just leave me to my sleeping and go check Facebook or something, which she does all the time while I'm awake, so why not also when I'm asleep?
But don't worry too much about me. Because even though I have a rough nights, there's always the luxurious mid-day nap to make up for it all. [Ed. note: For a while now, been trying to get someone to say to me, on a Friday afternoon, "I need you to go take a nap now so I can get ready for Shabbat." Hasn't happened.]
The granola of my discontent
1 day ago