Israeli elections

First, welcome to new reader "Elana from Bawlmer!" Welcome to the blog, Elana! Thanks for your comment! Yes, we are already veterans of the diseased sticks. I hear that after twelve sticks, your thirteenth is free! [Burst of raucous laughter.] [Like anything here would be "free."]


Today I am home with the little boy, as well as the big boy (you can decide for yourself who gets which designation.) Yaakov got kicked out of gan yesterday - I am beginning to think he is allergic to gan. When I picked him up, he was bawling, in pain, had broken out in some sort of rash; after coming home, taking a little nap, and spending some quality time with Nemo (Buzz begged for a day off), he was back to his old self. But, the unwritten rule of gan and daycare is: He who is kicked out on Tuesday shall not return on Wednesday. Meanwhile, Donny is home retching and coughing and shivering. The truth is I could leave them both home together and go to ulpan (especially since the test is tomorrow); Yaakov, at least, could easily fend for himself all day. (Yogurt? Check. Video? Check. Blue Blanket? Check check.) But I guess it would be unfair of me to make Yaakov take care of Donny all day as well. So here I am. I thought Ariella would throw a fit when she found out that everyone was going to be home today except her, but at the horrid sounds coming from her father, she realized she would be best served by getting as far the heck away from this place as possible.


I thought I would use my morning at home to do some cooking, but lo! And behold! We have no gas! There is a hastily scrawled note in the - you guessed it! - elevator that says there was some sort of gas leak in the building last night, and the gas has been turned off for everyone until they fix the problem. There is no indication whatsoever of when that blessed moment might be. A few hours? A few days? A year? I am considering taking my pen and going into the elevator and giving the va'ad a piece of my mind.... Anyway, we have the use of our oven, but no stovetop. I am seriously considering running out and buying a microwave this morning. I am also fairly certain that the hot water is connected to the gas, meaning we have no hot water either, so no one can shower or bathe. Ahhh.... is this paradise? Or something close to it?


As you may have heard, Israeli elections are coming up (Feb 10). Now you guys in America are all jazzed about your historic election, yes we can, blah blah blah. Here in Israel, we have the opportunity to vote for someone who was already prime minister! So there! We love recycling our country's leaders. Apparently, there is a shortage of perfect prime ministers in the world; 'twould be a pity to waste them. But seriously. Let me give you a brief, aliyahbyaccident summary of the Israeli election process:


Election day is a day off -a national holiday, if you will, but, as Ariella will point out, a holiday during which you're allowed to drive. People vote for one of the approximately 5 gazillion parties, which cater to every whim and desire of the Israeli people. ("Aruchat Boker: Working to make breakfast the most important meal of YOUR day." "Shinayim: Putting the needs of our dentists first.") Every party wants to get lots of "mandates" which in English means "seats." There are 120 seats in all, so plenty for everyone! After election day, we see that no one party won the majority of seats. Oh no! What to do now? So the party with the most seats - the Big Cheese, or Gevinah Gedolah - scrambles around, trying to form a "coalition" which in English means "alliance," and if they are successful, they get their guy (or gal) as prime minister. So the Big Cheese has to make deals with all the parties to get them to join their coalition, and then hopefully, when the dust settles, they have managed to hobble together some sort of government, by hook or by crook. ("Yes, we promise to open up every session of Knesset by eating a big bowl of branflakes!") Then, voila, our new leadership! We're probably going to vote for the guys that aren't planning to hand over Israel to the Palestinians, because we don't want to wake up on February 11th to a knock on our apartment door, and upon opening it, be greeted by Mohammed Ahmed Ajibi with his family and suitcases, ready to move in.


Israelis are very fair about campaigning. For example, yesterday on the radio there was an entire radio segment devoted to "election ads." Apparently there is a set time for the parties to do their thing on the radio, and according to my ulpan teacher, the bigger parties get more time, the smaller parties less time. (I think we should do that with billboards, too - the biggest party would get a huge billboard at the entrance to the city, and the smallest one would get a picture on some guy's refrigerator.) Anyway, I think there are three times a day for "election ads." I was most impressed with the Meretz ad and the Bayit HaYehudi ad, because they had catchy songs. Not just jingles. Entire songs, with stanzas and choruses and everything. So entirely based on ad campaign, I'm definitely going for either Meretz or Bayit. (Although I'm pretty sure that's kind of like saying, "Yeah, I'm undecided -either I'm going to vote for Donald Rumsfeld or Al Franken.") Anyway, I think it's very nice that they save the Israeli public from endless hours of radio and TV ads and condense it for us into neat half-hour segments.

UPDATE:
Our gas and hot water have returned. Donny probably has the flu. Yaakov, please God, will be returning to gan tomorrow.

And don't forget to vote!

The Return of the Diseased Sticks

Yes, friends, they have returned. Last week was Ariella's turn; she ended up not having strep, but is still on medication for her ears. I was keeping a close eye on Yaakov all week, wondering when he'd get sick. On Thursday, just as I was thinking he was out of the woods, I got a call from gan. They told me he was complaining about his ear. Luckily, I was able to get a doctor's appointment right away. It turned out his ears were fine, but hey, what's that in his chest? That doesn't sound good! Better take him to Terem for an x-ray! So off we ran to Terem. Luckily it was pretty quick, and we were out of Terem, along with our CD of the x-ray ("Yaakov's Lungs: Greatest Hits") in an hour. We went to drop the CD off at the doctor, and were told that he would call us later when he looked at the results. Meanwhile, Yaakov was hopping and skipping around, thrilled to be able to do the food shopping with Mommy and Lala. The doctor called back later and said his lungs were clear (big "Phew!" now). He was acting fine besides for his cough. Anyway, he went to bed pretty easily. Donny and I were just sitting down to get "Lost" at around 10:30 when The Boy awoke. Now, unfortunately, he was actually sick - fever and everything.


I know you are worried about two things:

1. If Yaakov had to stay home from gan on Friday, didn't you and Donny have to miss out on your Friday breakfast date?

2. Did you ever get to finish "Lost?"


Fret not - this Friday was an "off" week for Yaakov's gan anyway, so he hung around on Friday and watched lots and lots of videos. (He now only answers to the name "Buzz.") To answer question #2, we worked very diligently all Friday to get everything done for Shabbos. At 3:00, and hour and a half before Shabbos, we put a movie on for the kids, and retreated into our room to watch the rest of "Lost." Creative, no? You can see now why people line up for my parenting advice.


Friday night Yaakov and I ended up sleeping on the couch together; somehow he got the big couch and I was scrunched on the little one. We kept him on a steady dose of Tylenol and Motrin all day Shabbat, and debated whether we should bring him to Netanel's party on motzash. Since he seemed to be doing better by Shabbat afternoon, and since Donny heard there was going to be pizza at the party, we all piled out into the car right after Shabbat and headed over to Bet Shemesh. The party was excellent - good company and good food (pizza and a ridiculously crazy homemade Cookie Monster cake that Elie decorated himself). And olives.


Today I kept Yaakov home to bring him back to the doctor. We had a Morning of Long Lines. First, they were a little backed up at the doctor, and then, when it was our turn, the receptionist asked if this other mom with Hysterical Twins could go ahead of me. Of course I said yes, because,

A. I am very nice and

B. She wasn't really asking me if it was okay. It was kind of like Donny asking erev Shabbos, "Can I eat some of this chicken now?" as he's swallowing.

So we had to wait an extra half hour for our turn. Then we went to the Maccabi building to drop off our diseased stick and pick up our medicine. There were two lines awaiting me - one in the pharmacy, and one to drop off the diseased stick (yes, you have to take a number and wait for that, too). I had to decide which to do first - stick or medicines? Hallows or Horcruxes? I went with medicine. When we went into MaccabiPharm (or, as Donny thinks it's called, MaccabiFarm - we're patients, dear, not chickens), the line was HUMONGOUS! Our number was 187; they were up to 174. I thought of pulling shtick and running down to drop off the stick while waiting for my turn in the pharmacy, then I slapped myself and reminded myself that people like me NEVER get away with that stuff - I just would have ended up waiting twice in both lines. Luckily, though, there was no line for Diseased Stick Drop-Off. So we returned back home to chocolate sandwiches and Buzz.

Don't forget to vote in this week's poll! Donny's entire future rests upon the outcome!

An Anecdotal About Jonathan

I give you....An Anecdotal About Jonathan

Jonathan is a delightful young man. He brings a shrewd intellect and incisiveness to all of our discussions. He particularly enjoys parsing the nuances and subtleties of literary classics such as “Curious George,” and “Goodnight Moon.” His punctuality at minyan three times a day is inspiring; we know it is not easy to find time for minyan in the midst of such a busy life, and he is truly a role model for the rest of us. And indeed, Jonathan’s days are quite filled. In fact, we know he is so busy because he is often unreachable for days at a time, unable to answer his phone or an email. This does cause us some concern, however, that a young man who is so intelligent and has quite a knack for computers and software still hasn’t figured out how to check his voicemail. We are sure that with guidance, he will be able to excel in this area as well.

Jonathan is an excellent scavenger, and has proven he is capable of surviving off leftover chicken bits and nuts and berries he has managed to forage. These skills will continue to aid him throughout his life. Jonathan is a young man with exceptional abilities and a quick wit. His friendliness and geniality endear him to all who meet him. We wish Jonathan much luck in his future endeavors, and hope that he is one day able to forage a job and a wife.

A Bedtime Story

We will begin today with a little bedtime story, because here, at least, it is bedtime and therefore appropriate. It was written by Ariella.

** Public service announcement: This story contains some violence and may not be appropriate for readers who frighten easily or suffer from aquaphobia. **

First, I will transcribe the story in k'tav Ariella, to be followed by a translation, for those not well-versed in this particular dialect:

Hit The Car
by Ariella
SHE WAS NOT OKE. THA WOR HAPY. THA WOR GNW FALL iN THE WTR. A BIG BIG PRSIN WEt iN THE WTR. IN THE WTR WET THE LITTLE GORL.
(She was not ok. They were happy. They were going to fall in the water. A big big person went in the water. In the water went the little girl. The end.)

Now, don't say I didn't warn you. When Ariella told me the outline of the story, I asked her if the girl was going to be okay. She gleefully responded, "No! She's not going to be okay! Mwah-hah-hah-hah-hah!" That's my delicate princess for you.

In other Ariella news....we were discussing long and short vowels today, during our private English chug, and I was explaining how the "e" in "cane" turns the word "can" into the word "cane." Like a candy cane, I explained helpfully. Ariella's eyes brightened, "Oh, like how you say the word 'ken' in Hebrew? Like that?" Yes, I muttered, exactly. So we have reached the point in our aliyah, after only a few short months, where Ariella corrects our pronounciation. Donny can't roll his "r's" to save his life; he sounds like he's swallowing a dying fish. I can sort of do it, but Ariella says it's not really good enough, so I don't bother. It's just one more thing that'll embarrass Ariella in a few years (or months....).

Yesterday we had five of Ariella's friends from gan for the "Chaver Nechmad" program. I must say we pulled it off with panache. Everyone showed up on time (and, more importantly, left on time.) I read Ariella's favorite Aleph-Bet book (Australian Leezy - I believe you purchased this for her many many moons ago, so we thank you and say, "Tizki l'mitzvot ul'ma'asim tovim.") Each page has a letter, with words and pictures of things that start with that letter, and the kids had fun pointing out what they saw and trying to figure out the pictures. After that, each kid got a piece of paper. They picked a letter, and then using some seriously awesome art supplies, decorated their paper with their letter and pictures of items that start with the letter. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to say "sequins," "pipe cleaners" and "pom-poms" in Hebrew, so I just grabbed handfuls of the stuff and said cheerfully, "Kazeh!" The timing worked out well - they finished the project, I cleaned off the table, and then served dinner. Noodles, with ketchup and cottage cheese on the side, can't go wrong there. After dinner, the kids amused themselves with our games and toys until the parents came. All in all, they were very sweet, well-behaved kids and Ariella had a super-terrific-awesome time. Aside from occasionally referring to the boys in the feminine and vice versa, I think my Hebrew sufficed for the evening.

Poll results: Keep an eye out for an upcoming blog, "An Anecdotal About Jonathan." It was a close race, but at the last second, the tie was broken. I won't say who broke it. Ok, I will. It was Donny. I will get started after I retrieve my good-old anecdotal euphamisms from the Anecdotal Compartment in my brain, which is starting to rust from disuse, to which I say, thank God. ("Benefits from reminders to hand in his homework without being asked, focus on his classwork, not write on the other students with his highlighter, and get his damn finger out of his nose.")

Some responses to the comments, which, thanks to the Loyal Readers, have been many and varied this time:
Momz: I am sending you immediately to Nivim Remediation. Please contact Mrs. Steinhart for further details.
Arnie: Thank you for your post and your contributions. I will seriously consider calling my "microwave" a "pitzkeleh-gal." It's catchy, I think.
Yael: There is a reason we are already set for next year - it's because the dati options in our area of Modi'in are very few. There's one dati bet sefer for Ariella, and two dati ganim for Yaakov's age. So our choices were pretty much made for us before we even started looking. It's better this way. Too many choices, my little brain starts to get overwhelmed and then I have no more room for the nivm in there, and we know what a tragedy THAT would be. I might start saying things like, "Tovim ha'shamayim min ha'echad."
Sara: Where we will be next year is still up in the air, but since the school system is a public school system, it's based on your neighborhood and you can only register for a school/gan in the neighborhood to which you belong. So for now, we are registering here, in our neighborhood, regardless of what the future might hold.

"Tsk tsk" to Donny: You are about to be undeputized from your post as Minister of Polls! It is embarrassing for the staff of aliyahbyaccident that there has not been a new poll put up all week! So get your nose out of your "work" or "layning" and do something useful with your time!

Tovim Hashnayim Min HaEchad

First, kappyim l'Risa for her keen insights into Israeli translation/transliteration confusion. In the word "meekrogal" (i.e. microwave) we are trying to have it both ways - transliterating "micro" and translating "wave" (gal.) According to Risa, and I wholeheartedly agree, "microwave" should either be "microwave" in Hebrew, or, "gal katan meod." I encourage you all to begin using this new coinage.

On Friday the schools and gans of the iriyah were having open houses for prospective parents to come check them out for the coming year. Now you might be thinking, as we were, "Wait, didn't you just get to Israel? Didn't you just finish signing up for schools for this year?" The answer is, yes, we did, and yes, we did. But this is how it is in Modi'in. (Perhaps it is this way in all of Israel. I can only speak about Modi'in, and as you know, I would never make sweeping generalizations about customs or practices of an entire country based on my own personal experiences.) Anyway, registration is in two weeks, and we went to look at gans/schools for next year. Yaakov, who will be three in April, will be entering "Trom Trom" because apparently one "Trom" just isn't enough. Ariella will be, gulp, in kitah aleph. We went first to Ariella's school for the very good reason that their open house started first. We walked into the office to figure out what we were supposed to do. I figured we would shmie (sp?) around the school for a while, I brought my camera to take some pictures because Ariella is VERY excited to be going into, gulp, kitah alpeh. I thought the secretary would just shoo us in the general direction of kitah aleph, and we would be on our own from there. However, she smiled at us, asked us our name, and then opened up this massive 3-ring binder and within twenty seconds had located Ariella's paperwork. That's right, they already have the information on this year's gan kids (i.e. next year's kitah aleph) ready in their office. Impressive, no? She took our teudat zehut and gave us some papers to fill out. I was very proud that all my ulpan-gimmel work has been paying off because I was able to read and understand most of the paperwork. The truth is, it was really various sheets asking the same question: "Is there anything wrong with your kid? Health problems? Learning problems? Allergies? Social problems? Health problems, did we ask that already? Anything that might in any way prevent her from learning, talking, playing, or eating with the other children? And does she have any health problems? What about learning problems? " Well, you get the idea. Thanks to the good Lord, we were able to answer "no" to those questions which made the filling out-ness that much quicker. (That is not to say she isn't without her own, ahem, unique, sometimes, perhaps challenging personality, but that is something the kitah aleph morot will have to figure out on their own!) We did note that she is an "olah chadashah" and that the language spoken at home is English. While I am somewhat apprehensive about her language abilities once she actually has to be responsible for "content" and not just "Tafasti!" (tag in Hebrew), I keep reminding myself that there are about 7 more months to go before, gulp, kitah alpeh.

On to Yaakov's gan. There are two options for Trom Trom gans - a half day and a full day. Keep him out of the house as long as possible, that's what I always say! We visited the full day gan. The ganenet seemed like one of those hidden tzidkaniot - the kids were all in a circle, giving tzedakah (it was tefillah time) and she absolutely had them under her spell. It was mesmerizing. Every time a kid dropped an agurah into the tzedakah box, she and the rest of the class chanted. "Tizkeh l'mitzvot ul'ma'asim tovim." Donny and I walked out, hypnotized, chanting, "tizkeh l'mitzot ul'ma'asim tovim." We looked around the gan a little, but the ganenet wasn't able to talk to us because she was busy with the chanting, so we shrugged and said, "Looks good! Where do we sign up?"

Shabbos was uneventful. I spent most of it engrossed in "Deathly Hallows." Which I am reading for the fourth time. I do not normally reread books, much less than four times, but as I have said before, "Ani maytah al JK Rowling." Ariella wasn't feeling great so we didn't even go to shul, but it was nice to just chill out. Sure enough, though, Ariella got a little fever on motzash. Sunday morning I took her to the doctor, pretty sure he was going to tell me it was nothing because she didn't seem that sick. Ha ha! She had an ear infection in the left ear and an "impressive" (in a bad way) looking throat. So we got another diseased stick and a prescription and headed over to the Macabi building. Luckily I used my morning at home very productively: I cleaned Donny's Mounds of Clothing from the dresser (the poor pair of pants smushed all the way at the bottom of the pile were suffocating and close to death, but luckily I revived them and showed them their comfy home in the drawer. Drawer - Donny - are you reading this? It's the thing with handles, it pulls out, it's quite nifty, actually, and - get this - there is room in this "drawer" contraption for your clothes!) Anyway, you are probably wondering how I productively used the rest of my morning. The answer is: Talking to Lisa.

Tonight, a very exciting event has occurred: We received our remote controls for the garage! Two remotes! At first, the Dimri Human Resources Department had put a sign up in the elevator that each remote was 80 NIS (too bad you can't use New Poofahs), but if we didn't order them in advance, they would be 150 NIS each. We needed to sign up, via the handy-dandy piece of paper dangling precariously from a single strip of tape method, indicating how many remotes we wanted. So we signed up for two. But then began the another Great Elevator Debate. You know, whereby people communicate to each other through nasty little comments on the signs in the elevator? This time, someone yelled that we should get at least one for free, since we've been paying all this va'ad habayit for months, and what have we got to show for it anyway, not even a "My Dad/Mom/Son/Daughter/Filipino Worker went to Dimri and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" t-shirt. So then someone from the Va'ad wrote back and said, "Oh, yeah? If you're so sure of yourself, why didn't you sign your name, loser!" And someone wrote back: "I'm not a loser, you're a loser!" And then someone else wrote back, "I'm rubber, you're glue...." So this went on for quite some time, until, suddenly, the graffitied sheet was down, silence ensued, and then a week later a new sheet went up. "Please sign up for remote controls for the garage. It has been decided that each apartment who has paid their va'ad habayit will get one remote for free. However, the old sign up sheet has been, ahem, taken down, so please sign up again." Anyway, tonight was the big Garage Remote Control Handout Evening in the lobby ("Free coffee!") and Donny came back with two remotes. Tovim hashnayim min ha'echad, indeed.

Delurking Day Demystified

Ok, based on the paucity of comments yesterday I am going to think either that I didn't explain "Delurking Day" clearly enough, or everyone except for Momz, Madame President Shira, and SaraQ have Bissli for brains. But since I think very highly of my Loyal Readers, I will go with explanation A. Let's explain this simply. Post a comment. That's it! Whether you've posted before (Momz and Shira) or not (SaraQ), leave a comment so we can see how many of you are out there.
(Quick etymology lesson: Lurk = furtively sneaking around, so delurk = stop sneaking! Expose your identity on the blog! But even if you have commented often in the past, and therefore do not qualify as a "lurker," post a comment anyway, because the staff of aliyahbyaccident LOVES comments!)

So in case I haven't been clear. Post. A. Comment.

PS There is actually a logo for Delurking Day, but I opted not to include it because it has somewhat inappropriate overtones and there are former Bais Yaakov students who read this blog and I want to keep it clean. However, for those of you who are interested (Momz), you can google Delurking Day and see for yourself.

PPS 100 New Poofahs for anyone who can get Dadz to post a comment. I realize Momz has a slight advantage in this contest, but since she hasn't been successful yet, it's really open to anyone!

Quick update

It is a good thing I spend a lot of my time reading other people's blogs. One of the first blogs I started following was Arica "Factor" Saltzman's, and it is kappayim l'Arica that I can report to you this crucial information:
This week we celebrated Delurking Day! Can you believe we missed it? It was officially celebrated on Monday, January 12, but luckily it was a nidcheh this year so it was actually pushed off until Wednesday. (That is a total lie, but I hate being late for anything.) What's that? You don't know what Delurking Day is? Except for Arica? And probably Lisa because she reads Arica's blog? Well, my friends, my Loyal Readers, I am here to enlighten you. Delurking Day (and yes, I am going to use that phrase as often as possible because it sounds funny)....where was I? Oh yes, Delurking Day is the day when Obsessive Readers, Loyal Readers, Occasional Readers, Sometimes Readers, Infrequent Readers, Once-in-a-while Readers, Reluctant Readers, I Hate Your Blog But I'm So Bored I'll Read Anything Readers....basically, everyone except Never Readers, come out of the Anonymous Readers Closet! Post a comment, let us know you are out there and that you heart aliyahbyaccident, or at least it doesn't repulse you too often (digressions on peeing in the park notwithstanding.) Anyway, I know you are there, because you often vote on the polls (unless that's just Momz voting 10 times), so post a comment! Show us some love! Celebrate Delurking Day in style! (And if you insist in remaining anonymous, and those of you know who you are, then you can send me an email instead, no fewer than 250 words, filled with gossip and random thoughts and news about your life.)

And speaking of the polls....only three days left to vote! Don't miss out! You don't want to be standing by the water cooler next week, while all your friends are discussing their picks and the results, feeling really lame because you did not take take part in the poll. Time is running out! Walla!