Fixin' Things

There have been so many amusing moments in the past few days that I will give them to you in bullet-point style (b'signon kadur) instead of my usual, meandering, digression-filled route.

1. After Da-veed of Dimri came on Sunday, he gave me the number of the Kitchen People who will take care of the various Kitchen Problems. When I called the number, they denied my very existence. "You're not in our system. Your landlord is not here. What building are you?" Building 6, or number 47. "No, no, I mean which letter are you? A? B?" Huh? Giving her the coordinates apparently wasn't enough - she needed a letter as well. Well, I said logically, I guess according to the gematria we're building "F." (Yes, I checked, you can all stop counting on your fingers.) "Nope, no one by the name of Frank Rubin [that's our landlord] is listed. Perhaps his name is really Reuben Friedman? I have a Reuben Friedman here." I was fairly certain that Frank does not go by aliases, and if he did, he'd pick something more creative than "Reuben Friedman." "And his wife? Hinda, you say? Perhaps it's really...Anita?" No, no, it really and truly is Hinda. "Well, tell Da-veed to call us. I don't have you here."

2. Da-veed came. It turns out we're building.....D. So much for logic. (Although as Donny pointed out, we are fourth from the last building, and Israelis do read from right to left...)

3. The reason they don't have me in their system is because he gave me the wrong Kitchen People! So now I have a NEW number to call!

4. Our pipe and faucet are fixed, at least temporarily. This temporariness is especially true in the case of the faucet.

5. I went to Kiryat Sefer, where the closest Bank of Jerusalem is, to deposit our rental check. I blanked on the word for "deposit," which is "l'hafkid," and I think what I instead told the teller was, "I'd like to command this check into the account of Frank Rubin." This may help explain why he immediately switched to English. But how does he know that I made a mistake? Maybe I meant to say that. Perhaps I often speak in sweeping dramatic statements: "Check, I command you now - to the account of Frank Rubin!" What's so wrong with that?

6. My gmail was down!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH! I mean, mine and the rest of the world's, but mine was down more because it was during my waking hours. It was a painful separation but it is now over. Praise be given.

7. I went to Shilav, a baby store, because when I went there last month to buy something, they gave me a 20% off coupon to be used in February on any of their toys. Picked a toy. Went to the register. "Oh," they said, "I'm sorry, this coupon only works on toys that are 100 NIS or more. Would you like to add something?" I checked the price tag. It was for 99 shekel. And 90 agurot. And they were, of course, annoyed with me for being annoyed with them. In the end, I bought a toothbrush for ten shekel. With a smiley face. It flashes. Now, I have one toy, plus one muktzah toothbrush that my children will fight over. Maybe I'll just use it myself.


8. My kid peed in the park. I'm not talking about Yaakov, for that would not be blog-worthy. That's right - I am referring here to my daughter, Ariella. We have reached a new rung on the Absorption Ladder. (Chocolate sandwiches as acceptable breakfast food? Done. Wordless shoulder shrugs? Done. Sponga parties? Every week.) In my defense, I did ask her before we left the house if she had to go, and she said she already went. But by the time we had picked up Yaakov and meandered over to the park, nature was calling. And she answered it. Literally. She was quite unruffled by the prospect of park peeing. Luckily the park was empty. Ariella checked out the shrubbery, then picked a nice tree ("Mommy anyway it's good because it needs water to grow.") She pulled everything down, and not to get too graphic here, but I was actually impressed with her ability to aim, keeping her clothing mostly dry. She finished, washed her hands, and skipped away happily to play with Yaakov, apparently unaware of the major milestone she had just reached.

9. Speaking of milestones.... welcome to Leezy, an old loyal reader but a new Loyal Reader! This brings our Loyal Reader Club to the double digits! Thanks to all of you! I'm getting a little choked up here, actually. Just give me a minute. [Pause] Ok, I'm better now. I think I'll celebrate with a big tube of Crest and a smiley toothbrush.