Welcome to Loyal Reader #22, Richard "Shimshoni" Weider! Thanks for joining! Also, make sure to vote in the poll!
First, I'm sure many of you are wondering how we reacted to the news that our former shul was the target of a recent terrorist plot. If you are, you are not the only ones! Look out for next week's Jewish Press, when your favorite blogger (that's me, people. Pay attention.) just might be quoted as a former-Riverdalian-turned-Modi'inite-reacting-to-the-news-of-the-attempted-bombing. That's right! In print! Well, maybe.
For those of you who feel it is too soon to make terrorist jokes, please skip this paragraph.
Now, after our ohmigodican'tbelieveit shock, we were relieved to read that the shul had never been in any real danger, since the terrorists were using fake bombs the whole time. That'll teach them to buy their terrorist apparatuses from guys wearing FBI jackets. However, as a former devout RJCinian, I am proud - in a totally perverse way - that our shul ranked as #2 on the terrorist target list. To loosely quote one of the fine apprehended suspects: "We wanted to do something big, and the World Trade Center had already been done." And the Riverdale Jewish Center, located at 237th St. and Independence Ave. in the Riverdale section of the Bronx, was choice #2???? Strange, but we'll take it! Suck it, HIR!
A lesson we (and when I say "we" I really mean Donny, since any mother worth her subscription to Parenting magazine knows this already) learned over Shabbos:
3 year old boy + heat + not enough water + dinner consisting of mackerel and orange juice + hour of playing Monster with Daddy = 3 year old boy puking the remains of said mackerel and orange juice all over the floor. Twice. Let it be known that I was at a shiur during this travesty of a dinner, and therefore, when Yaakov did the deed while Donny was at maariv, I left it on the floor for him to clean up. (But, good mother that I am, I did clean up Yaakov.)
Oh my God! Save us! It's a two day yontov and we're NOT GOING TO SURVIVE!!!!!! This basically sums up the Israelis' attitude toward Shavuot this year. Our shul is hosting a massive kiddush for Shabbat lunch which will include rolls so that everyone can have lunch at shul because how will we ever survive, so many meals, it's too much to even think about, ohmigod, save us, it's a two day yontov AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO SURVIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I, for one, am looking forward to the kiddush.