A Very Special Aliyahbyaccident

A special episode of the blog, dedicated to Someone Special whose name you will find out in just a few moments...

I have been neglectful in giving a huge shout-out to loyal reader (although she's too anti-establishment to be a Loyal Reader; don't think we haven't noticed) Rachel "I Heart NY" Rosenthal on PASSING HER DRIVING TEST! Rachel sadly failed the first time around; I'm not sure if you recall, but yours truly had a similar driving experience, from which I am still scarred. (Every time I see a driving lesson car - and they are ALL OVER the place, because Modi'in is apparently inhabited solely by new olim and 17 year olds - my heart does the Mexican Hat Dance in my chest and a feeling of acute nausea settles over my stomach, and I reach into my wallet and clutch my license, fearful that any moment now, someone will demand I give it back, and uh-oh, wait a minute, there's a STOP SIGN coming up! Screech! I should really focus on the road.)

So I understood Rachel's apprehension about taking the test a second time. Even though Rachel is a Real New Yorker (the American version of the Sassoons) and takes all manner of public transportation and will probably never actually own a car because (true story), if she had a million dollars, she would use it to put a down payment on an apartment in Manhattan. And since a million dollars is not nearly enough for a down payment on an apartment in Manhattan, she'd have to use her car savings, too, and just take the subway for the rest of her life.

In any case, a HUGE kappayim to Rachel for passing her test. You have freedom! Take a spin! Go out for a drive! Escape the city for some fresh country air! Just be back exactly fifteen minutes before alternate side ends so you can stake out your spot, and don't leave it for anything, I mean anything, even if your arm is falling off, just use your other hand to hold it together with a tourniquet which you should leave in the car for just this purpose, and then steer the car with your knees to ease it into the spot that's actually two inches too small for your car, just a little more, good, good, you get extra points for scraping the car in back of you, and...you're in! Now you can take care of that arm. Refuah shelaymah.