Sunday, July 4, 2010

Congratulations! You're a Little Brother!

We are the owners of many books about becoming a big brother or sister. But not a single one about becoming a little brother. This, my friends, is a severe lacking in our children’s literature. Never fear. Aliyahbyaccident is here to fix it, with a book specially geared to all those younger brothers and sisters out there, so they can learn....

What to Expect When You Become a Little Sibling

Welcome to the world, Little Brother/Sister!

Upon your arrival at home, you may have noticed that in addition to Mommy and Daddy, there are some other people running around the house, drawing on the floor and peeing in their beds. They're not quite as big as Mommy and Daddy, but they're not tiny like you, and also unlike you, they seemed to have gained full control over their limbs, which they use to beat the crap out of each other. Who are they, you ask? Why, they are your Big Brother and Big Sister.

Let's meet them!

Big Sister: Will love you to pieces and is super excited that you are finally here. (Of course, she will replace, "WHEN will the baby get here?" with "WHEN will he be able to play with me?") She will cover you in kisses and her hair will get in your face. Get used to it. Tip: Keep your eyes closed. And remember that she will do anything and everything for you. (At least while you're small and mushy and cute.)

Big Brother: Will alternately love and ignore you. No worries about the hair in your face, though, so that's a plus. Excels at shoving toys at you for you to play with, then groaning that once again, you failed to grab it. He loves you to pieces too, he just hides it better.

Here are some more tips on living with them, so you can know what to expect:

1. Your big siblings loooove to pick you up. They really love to pick you up and walk around with you, because that’s how Mommy does it. This will make you and Mommy the weensiest bit nervous. You may feel like you are about to fall, but don’t worry, Mommy is there making sure nothing happens. Worst case, your siblings are probably still kinda short, so the drop is minimal. Tip: Don't squirm. Staying very still is your best chance of survival.

2. You are a toy! Your siblings will play with you until they are bored, and then they will pick up and go somewhere else. Don't be too insulted. Just go back to sucking on the thing that flies by your mouth every so often. (It's your hand, by the way.)

3. Get ready to cry! Due to the axiom of the littler you are, the more likely you are to forget trauma, if Mommy has to choose between a crying baby and a crying 4-year-old, she will take care of the 4-year-old first. But it’s okay. Because truly, you won’t remember the five minutes you spent crying in your crib. Also, on the upside, if Mommy has to choose between taking care of you or taking care of the 32-year old that lives in the house, you totally win every time.

5. Dirty clothes! If you have a big sibling of the same gender as you (and even if you don't....not that there's anything wrong with that), get ready for hand-me-downs! Your inherited clothes will be stained with all sorts of infantile bodily fluids. Mommy has washed the clothes, but let's face, baby stains don't really ever come out. (Especially "roop.") Also, all the cute sayings on the baby clothes will have been half rubbed out from washings, so instead of "Mommy's Little All-Star" it will say "ommy Lit ll-S r" and "Kiss Me, I'm Cute" will become " iss Me ut."

Readers, Loyal and otherwise, we at aliyahbyaccident would love to hear your younger-sibling-survival tips. Leave us a comment, and if we use your tip in our upcoming book, we will personally send a big sibling over to your house to give you a noogie!


Baila said...

Wow. A second book already. I still haven't gotten through the first one.

My tip for the little one: toilet train yourself ASAP. Whereas your big sister probably got changed every three minutes, you're probably sitting in it for long periods of time.

And I hate to break it to you, buddy--there'll be ALOT LESS pictures of you than there are of them. May as well deal with it now.

Oh, and tell your big brother to stay away from my outdoor furniture.

momzwifeofdadz said...

Dear little one - when your big sister was born, Mommy could pretty much stay put for much of the day. You - not so much. You will spend an inordinate amount of time in your carseat, in overheated cars, and in carpools. So just when you've snuggled into your crib and you get that 'ooooh, this is gonna be a goooood nap' feeling, Mommy will scoop you up and take you out to pick up your sibs.

Gila Rose said...

Excellent tips - a noogie will definitely be coming your way soon.

Good point re the toilet training. I...well, no need to elaborate further, let's just say I know where you're coming from. And Nadav will pass on the message to Yaakov as soon as he can say more than "Urk."

And so true re the carseat! He gets this look on his face, like, "Not again!" Poor kid! I think we both want to cry when we have to run errands/pick up kids instead of sleeping.

Risa said...

Wow! Gila, you, Baila and Momz have said it all. My contribution: Toys that are meant for your age, whether new or from your older sibling, will be of great interest to your older brother or sister who have long outgrown them. They will just find new uses for them: Exersaucer = jungle gym, Different colored rings on that yellow and white unsteady base = ring toss!

Shira said...

When all else fails, spit up on or near the big siblings. They will definitely leave you alone for a little while, giving you a much needed break from sloppy kisses. And, every once in a while, give them a nice smile or laugh, they will forgive you for anything!

momzwifeofdadz said...

One more thing, baby - when you vomit - and you will - forgive your mother for gagging, retching, and making ugly angry faces at you. You will not understand fully until you are a parent yourself. But that is probably the worst thing we mothers have to clean up.

And notice I said 'mothers' because 99.5% of fathers suddenly remember a tooth they need to get pulled whenever you barf.

Laurie said...

HILARIOUS! Best post by far!

Gila Rose said...

Interesting how so many of these tips involve bodily fluids... (Momz just reading your comment makes me gag.)

So far, in the baby-item-that-big-kids-love category, the stroller has been the biggest hit with the big kids. It's like a mini-jungle gym!

Kathleen said...

My tip for Little brother/sister:
Enjoy all the attention your getting now because it won't be long before they are wanting you to get out of their room or give back their toys.
Be glad that you're so cute, tiny and mushy now because it won't be long before you're hearing "Mommy,he STINKS!!!!"
Enjoy the time that you're "innocent" and not able to do much because it won't be long before you get blamed or told on daily for anything broken or messed up.
Get used to the fact that your older siblings get to have more fun while you get stuck riding around in the car seat.

Anonymous said...

Little baby, you will bring so much fun and joy to our lives and make us laugh with your crazy antics and your red curly hair and your nutty obsession with the moon. Oh wait- is this not a personal story?

Gila Rose said...

Ahavamous - well said! And of course, the beauty of these books is that they are easily personalized! (Mainly because they do not actually exist.)

Kalany said...

In our house it is essential that our newborn learn how to swim. Her proud big brother loves to kiss her, despite the fact that he has a tendency to drool excessively on his sister's head. She is constantly soaked and I have yet to find a life jacket in size 0-3 months. I understand that this is kind of a Kislowicz-specific issue and may not be of interest to the larger blogosphere, but there are very few support groups out there for mothers of children with drooling problems, so I had to seize the opportunity.

Gila Rose said...

Kally I completely understand the drooling issue. Yaakov was a drooler par excellence. He would regularly need to be changed 3-4 times a day, until we just gave up and said, "Ahh, let him be wet."

But since he WAS the baby at the time, we did not experience the drool-on-the-baby issue. I feel for you. And the wet little sister.

Kathleen said...

I meant to add that while you have to get used to the car seat for now, you will get to have a lot more fun soon!
Your post and the comments were too funny and so true! (at least at our house almost all of them applied)