אני שחקנית

Before I regale you with my debut in the Not-Yet-Ready-For-Prime-Time-Or-For-That-Matter-Any-Time-Ever-Ever-Ever Players, let me give a special aliyahbyaccident welcome to Loyal Reader #21, the Real Israeli and Life Coach, Jenny Sassoon! As you can see if you click on the link, Jenny is a shining example of how you can do so much more with a blog than just make fun of Dadz.

Back to the theater. The title of this post refers to the play in Yaakov's gan today in which I so admirably performed. This was my debut in a Hebrew-language play. Many of you may remember my star turns back in the day. For example, there was my mesmerizing performance in our ninth grade play at Bais Yaakov, "The Education of Hyman Kaplan," in which I played none other than Hyman Kaplan [insert modest blush here]. Read below for some critical acclaim I received:

"Leibtag [ed. note - that's me] wowed the audience tonight in a breathtaking performance that was by turns comedic, heartwrenching, and touching. Her multi-layered portrayal of Polish immigrant Hyman Kaplan was one of the most outstanding performances I have ever been privileged to experience. Also, she was sure cute in that hat." [me, in a review I made up right this minute.]

"That's my Gils!" [Momz]

"Grumble, grumble." [Dadz, upset because no men are allowed at the BY plays.]

"That was one of the worst excuses for a Polish accent I've ever heard." [a critic who shall remain nameless; I occasionally call him up and warble snatches of the hit song from "Hyman Kaplan": "Oowhile Oowe Oowere Oowaiting Oowith OoWilliam OoWest..." and then hang up. Hehe.]

Then, in twelfth grade, I had yet another starring role [modest blush again], playing the part of "Clueless Boy at Kotel," at the Bais Yaakov Yearly For Women Only Extravaganza, but unlike most Bais Yaakov plays which involve someone shrieking out "Shema Yisrael" right before their car is about to drive over a cliff and then they are miraculously saved because they davened, this play had many witty and clever lines, thanks to the crack writing team of Silverberg & Silverberg. Also, I got to wear jeans.

Which brings us to the present (assuming we just skip over everything from "twelfth grade" until "now" because the only acting I have really done since then involves lying to my children. ("Sorry, guys, the Elmo game doesn't work on Mommy's computer." They believe me. 'Cuz I'm just that good.)
So today, Yaakov had a play at gan. This much you've gathered. We arrived at gan at 9:00 and sat down to watch the presentation of Chana'leh and her Shabbos dress. First the dress is clean, then it's dirty, then it gets clean again thanks to the moon. Don't ask. It was pretty short. But then, the play was performed again - and instead of the Play Lady playing all the different parts, she asked parents and children to perform. Yaakov and I played the part of "old man." I wore the beard; Yaakov clutched the cane; I wore a suit jacket and carried a sack; Yaakov clutched the cane. He really liked that cane. I think I performed admirably. They had given us scripts, but the parent rendition was a much more loose, ad-libby, make it up as you go along kind of thing. Which is much more difficult in Hebrew than it is in English. At least for me. The other parents seemed to be doing fine. But I think I pulled off my role with aplomb. The truth was, at this point, there were many children crying and fighting over props and parents trying to soothe them, so not many people were paying attention to my debut. Nonetheless, I'm sure those who were will be talking about the "Ish Zaken" for years to come.