Monday, September 7, 2009

A Big One?

Well, Dadz requested "a big post" for our one year aliyah-versary. (Apparently, the 200th post didn't "do it" for him, as it wasn't published "bo bayom.") Depending how you count it, the anniversary is either today (Sept. 7, when our flight took off) or tomorrow (Sept. 8, when we actually landed in the Holy and Very Hot Land.)

Personally, I consider September 7 the anniversary date, first of all because it's Donny's birthday - 32, if you were baking him a cake and needed to know how many candles - and second, because all summer long we told people, "We're on the September 7th flight. We're leaving on September 7th. September 7th is the day we leave." So that date is indelibly etched into my brain, sort of like my due date with Ariella (for a while after she was born - on the 11th - I actually kept telling people her birthday was the 4th because that date had been ingrained in me for so long.)

Anyway, so happy aliyah-versary to us, and to the Klein fam, and happy 2nd aliyah-versary to Baila and her crew, who came on the same flight, just one year earlier. I should come up with something witty, yet profound to mark this occasion, but all I can come up with is something treacly, yet dull. So until I think of the Great Idea, one that encapsulates our first year as Israelis perfectly, one that reflects on our past and ponders our future, I will regale you with what might be the FUNNIEST ARIELLA STORY OF ALL TIME.

[Scene: Friday, in the car, driving to the Music/Cow/Sometimes Cow/Where Did Hell Did the Cows Go? Park. Donny and I in the front seat, kiddies in the back. Ariella is gazing thoughtfully out the window.]
Ariella: Mommy, did Adam and Chava [read that with the correct Hebrew pronunciation, please] need to use their clickers? [Editors note: "Clickers" is what Ariella calls the blinkers in the car. You know, 'cuz they click.]
Mommy: Huh?
Ariella: Well, they were the first people in the world. No one else was there. So who did they have to tell they were turning?

I couldn't laugh out loud, because Ariella has let me know time and time again that she does NOT appreciate being laughed at, and I can't blame her, it's just that sometimes she says such cute things. (Like, "When is Moshiach going to come?" "I don't know." "Well, look it up on the computer!")

But back to the car and those darn clickers. I was doubling over with laughter on the inside. It was just so clever! First, we explained to Ariella that cars are a rather recent invention. "So how did Adam and Chava get around?"
"Horses, donkeys, camels."
[Mouth agape.]

Of course, the essence of the question is one of those can-I-cut-down-a-tree-in-the-forest-if-no-one's-looking? kind of things. Kantian philosophy aside (I have no idea if it's Kantian, but it seems like an intelligent thing to say), I was just imagining what Ariella thought Gan Eden must be like:

[Scene: Adam and Chava, tooling around the Garden of Eden, in a Hummer - hey, there was plenty of oil to go around, and tons of free parking. Adam, of course, is driving, thereby setting the precedent for men for the next millennia. On the radio: The News. Weather report: Hot, with continued sun. Breaking news: Sale on Fig Leafs at New Navy. Come to our Grand Opening! And a warm "Welcome to the World" to our new creepy crawly friends! Enjoy the humans' food!]
Adam: Hehheh, why did they put this clicker in the car? It's not like anyone needs to know that I'm turning right! In fact, I'm going to put my right blinker on, and then turn left. Haha! Isn't this fun? Wheeeee!
Chava [rolling her eyes]: Day 21 of the Blinker Game. We've got to get cable hookup.
Adam: Well, dear, we're almost there.
Chava: I've heard that one before.
Adam: No, really, the Tree of Life is right this way.
Chava: I'm pretty sure we're headed in the wrong direction. Maybe we should stop and ask for directions.
Adam: You'd like that, wouldn't you? Well, haha on you - THERE IS NO ONE ELSE!!! Hahahahaha. [Pause.] Wait a minute - didn't there used to be cows here?
Chava: We definitely saw that tree before. The fruit one. See? There's a snake right there, chewing on a nectarine, same as when we passed it FOUR HOURS ago. And by the way, your leaf is caught in the door.
Adam: Arggghhh! That's the fourth one this week! Thank God - hey, there, Big Guy! - they're on sale this week. And no, you're wrong, I'm pretty sure that's the Tree of Knowledge.
Chava: I don't think you're right. Listen to me, for once! Hey, the snake is waving to us! Maybe HE knows what to do! Let's get out and ask him.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

12 comments:

Laurie said...

Happy birthday Donny! Love the Ariella story.

Baila said...

Blasphemy!

What a great birthday gift for Donny! Mazal Tov. From your blog it sounds like you're having fun...

OneTiredEma said...

ROFL!

OMG is one of the people in your story to blame for the crazy driving rules here???? This is the problem with coming to a place so old.

RD25 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Taxman said...

OMG! ROFL! I remember Ariella's reaction at lunch a few weeks ago and how we (luckily) got out of it. Can't beat that 6 y.o logic.

Shira said...

Happy Aliyah-versary and Happy Birthday to Donny!! That Ariella story is insanely hilarious! LOVE IT!!!

Leezy said...

Happy birthday Donny!

Dadz said...

THANKS FOR THE BLOG.
"FUNNY/HILARIOUS" IS MUCH BETTER AND MEANINFUL THAN "PROFOUND".

HAPPY B-DAY TO DONNY.
SORRY I DIDN'T CALL YOU YESTERDAY(HOWEVER,DID SKYPE GILA & THE KIDS).
WILL CALL TONITE.

B/T/W, REGARDS FROM A SILVERBERG DAUGHTER (TAMAR).

Risa said...

Mazel tov on your Aliyah-versary. (I still remember the yummy ice cream cake at BR.) Love the Ariella story. (You have a bright kid, if she's thinking like that, but you probably already know that.) Your take on what she's thinking probably explains why Old Navy commercials use mannequins recently- there were just no people around then to star in them, which set the precedent!

faith/emuna said...

happy anniversary!
just stumbled on your blog by accident.
great to read such an upbeat and funny blog about making aliya and life in israel.
may you and donny celebrate many more happy occasions

Rena said...

i rejoined as a loyal reader - do i come up correctly now?

Cheryl said...

Hilarious!