Monday, August 31, 2009

The 200th!!!

Well, in the eloquent words of my sister, "Hello - blog?" I know I'm overdue. It's because I've been thinking about how to make this 200th blog the most special, the most wondrous blog for my loyal readers.

That is a lie. The reason I haven't blogged is because by the time I finish detangling one child's hands from the other one's neck, only to have to do it again, in reverse, five minutes later, I am plum worn out!

But, here I am.

Baila - I am sorry the tote bag has not reached you yet. I am immediately contacting our VP for Mailing Made Up Crap. Dadz - are you on the case?

Diana - this is going to seriously affect the case for North American aliyah. Don't tell me they sell shoko b'sakit also!

And welcome to Loyal Reader #47, Tamar, of (Don't worry, I'm not invited either.)

Last night we had Yaakov's gan orientation. The ganenet seems very sweet, although Yaakov told me, "I don't love this morah, Mommy." His first day is tomorrow. I drop him off at 8:00 and pick him up about 8:07. You know, to let him get used to it. I continue to be amazed, however, at the abundant lack of information disseminated at these orientations. For example, I have yet to receive any sort of school calendar. I guess I will continue my tactic from last year, which is to ask about a week before the chag how long the vacation is for, except for Pesach, when vacation starts the week before the chag, so you have to ask the question two weeks before the chag.

Anyway, Yaakov is super jazzed about bringing aruchat eser to gan, although slightly less jazzed that I was not going to let him bring chocolate spread every day.

Moving on... in honor of our 200th post and our upcoming one year aliyah-versary, I thought I would answer some burning questions that people have asked us this past year.

Q. Would you prefer to prepare 70 pita sandwiches for the birthday party, or make five platters of vegetables?
A. The sandwiches, please.

Q. If you are traveling from New York to Israel, going at approximately 5,000 liters per hour, and at the same time, your lift is traveling backward, from Israel, to Italy, at approximately 80,000 kilograms per hour, for how many days will you need to sleep on an air mattress?
A. Only about eight days - stop kvetching!

Q. Would you like to sign up for our Shufersal credit card?
A. No, thank you.

Q. Shalom, mah shlomech?
A. Hakol b'seder.

Q. Can I take chocolate spread for lunch, Mommy?
A. Only on Fridays.

Q. Are you sometimes frustrated by the largeness of the toilet paper packages and the smallness of the coffee cups?
A. Yes, although the toilet paper does get used up eventually, and if you sip your coffee reeeeeaaaally slowly, you can pretend it's a large.

Q. I'm hungry again, Mommy!
A. That is not a question.

Q. Do you find it riotously funny when Israeli ads use English words and phrases but they say it with an Israeli accent?
A. Actually, I do!

Q. If your daughter in gan chova, comes home with a long, detailed letter having something to do with plants, do you recommend glancing at it quickly and then adding it to the ever-growing pile of crap on your dining room table, which triples as your home office, your mail room, and your stunning, museum-destined Collection of Plastic Water Bottles? Or, do you think you should read the entire letter carefully, because it is probably telling you to go buy a plant for a planting project and if you don't, your kid will be the ONLY ONE WITHOUT IT?
A. You should definitely read it, but hopefully the ganenet, who knows how intensely clueless you are, will tip you off to the letter's contents before the big planting event.

Q. Do you think it's healthy for children to to watch endless hours of movies during HaChofesh HaGadol?
A. Until their eyes are literally stuck to the screen, and they need to bring it with them to the table, the bathroom, and bed, lest they cause permanent damage, it's allllll good.

Q. If you were to print out this blog, how many pages would it be?
A. I don't know, but I heard from someone who did it that it's over 200 pages celsius.

Q. What happened to all the water in the Kinneret?
A. Yaakov used it up washing his hands.

Q. What has been the best part about living in Israel?
A. Shoko b'sakit. Do you not listen to anything I say???

Q. You are not allowed to ask the questions.
A. Sorry.

Q. Can you give us some advice on what to do in Israel if your car has a flat tire, your internet is broken, or the iriyah is closed because it's a Thursday in August?

A. Call Donny!

Q. Would you like to sign up for the Shufersal credit card?

A. No! Go away! How are you everywhere?

Q. Can you remind me again why "aliyahbyaccident" is NUMBER ONE in "traifin'?"

A. Because we used "traifin'" very frequently, for no purpose whatsoever, throughout the blog.

Q. How very fascinating. Can you tell me what other search terms have led to new readers of "aliyahbyaccident?"

A. Why yes I can! In addition to traifin', aliyahbyaccident is nearly #1 for

"ahava aaron and ephraim leibtag" (Watch out guys. Somebody out there is looking for you...)

"osek patur form"


"Kibbutz Gezer"

"how to spell mazel tov in Hebrew" (the answer, by the way, is מזל טוב)

Q. Is there anything you'd like to say to your Loyal Readers on this Momentous Occasion of your 200th post?

A. Thanks for sticking around....on to shana bet!



! !

In case you cannot figure it out, this is a cake with 2 candles for the start of YEAR 2 OF YOUR BLOG!
Love, your mother

(hopefully this makes up for the lack of birthday parties/cakes while you were growing up and I would find wonderful excuses not to make a party of 15 giggly girls).
Love, again, me

OneTiredEma said...

OMG now you really must come over because we ALSO have a collection of water bottles! It's stunning and growing bigger by the day! It's in the hall and our very nice neighbors Dror and Shlomit are probably going to call 106 soon to report us.

And Taxman wants to be a loyal reader, but we'll call him a hetzi reader because he has no blog. (But he thinks you are Xtremely funny.) Why? Because we have ESPN back.

(PS: Donny, I am so calling you if I can't reach Taxman.)

Tamar said...

Gila, you are totally invited! The thing is, my "blog" is really boring, and everyone (by which I mean my dad) kept bugging me about how "public" it was, so I made it restricted. I found Aliyah by Accident by accident looking for some practical details about transitioning to life in Israel with kids and I got hooked. I'm somewhere in the Decmeber 2008 archive right at this very minute.

Arica said...

Mazel tov on this momentous occasion!!! Perhaps you will want the credit card next year? By the way, my 8 year old is in charge of reading the school notes. If she is the only one without a plant she has only herself to blame.

Laurie said...

I'm surprised you aren't number one for "poofahs"!

Risa said...

Mazel tov on your 200th post! I am sure that all your readers would agree when I say "keep us laughing!"

Leezy K said...

All I can say is - Yay, I got a shot-out in the first line of the 200th post!!

Annette said...

I guess this is a momentous enough occasion for me to finally comment on your blog. Your blog makes me laugh out loud - I love it! I'm sure you don't remember me, but I know your mom - we used to live in Baltimore about 10 years ago.

Annette Friedman

Yael said...

Yaakov's gan had orientation??!!

With Hanani's gan, we FINALLY got a letter 2 days before gan started that told us the starting and ending times for the first week!

We don't have a schedule either and weren't given instructions on what to send him with(so I sent diapers, change of clothing, and fruit + sandwich, water), and weren't ask to pay anything yet. It's all pretty strange...

Commenter Abbi said...

Well, unfortunately I missed your whole first year, but you did a great job recapping it in this post!

i have done that exact thing of ignoring important letters from gan (my daughter was the only one who showed up without a present the last day), losing/not receiving school calendars, and using my dining room table as office/mail room/bottle museum.

Awesome and spot on!

Commenter Abbi said...

Yael- we got an invite to "Meet the Ganenet"- the day of the meeting.

Commenter Abbi said...

Btw, i refused that credit card for years, but i ended up getting it and I think we are saving a bit more money. But i only shop at Shufersal. No, i do not work the credit card people.

SaraK said...

Mazel Tov! My mom is reading the blog, too, although I don't think she knows how to become a Loyal Reader.

Baila said...

Largeness of the toilet paper packages here? But we go through TP like crazy. Wish I could find Scott's thousand piece roll.

Congratulations on this very impressive milestone.

Ahava said...

I'm not sure how comfortable I am with you counting 14 comments when 3 of them were from some Abbi guy. I think the minister of polls should be brought in on this one...and perhaps indicted like all Israeli politicians for cooking the books.

trn said...

Belated mazel tov! The Q & A cracked me up.

Commenter Abbi said...


Not sure how you got a male vibe from the name "Abbi". You can see from my blog (Confessions of a Startup WIFE) that i'm 100% Chick.

And sorry for the three comments, i just have a lot to say sometimes. :D