That is a lie. The reason I haven't blogged is because by the time I finish detangling one child's hands from the other one's neck, only to have to do it again, in reverse, five minutes later, I am plum worn out!
But, here I am.
Baila - I am sorry the tote bag has not reached you yet. I am immediately contacting our VP for Mailing Made Up Crap. Dadz - are you on the case?
Diana - this is going to seriously affect the case for North American aliyah. Don't tell me they sell shoko b'sakit also!
And welcome to Loyal Reader #47, Tamar, of http://www.familymarvin.blogspot.com/. (Don't worry, I'm not invited either.)
Last night we had Yaakov's gan orientation. The ganenet seems very sweet, although Yaakov told me, "I don't love this morah, Mommy." His first day is tomorrow. I drop him off at 8:00 and pick him up about 8:07. You know, to let him get used to it. I continue to be amazed, however, at the abundant lack of information disseminated at these orientations. For example, I have yet to receive any sort of school calendar. I guess I will continue my tactic from last year, which is to ask about a week before the chag how long the vacation is for, except for Pesach, when vacation starts the week before the chag, so you have to ask the question two weeks before the chag.
Anyway, Yaakov is super jazzed about bringing aruchat eser to gan, although slightly less jazzed that I was not going to let him bring chocolate spread every day.
Moving on... in honor of our 200th post and our upcoming one year aliyah-versary, I thought I would answer some burning questions that people have asked us this past year.
Q. Would you prefer to prepare 70 pita sandwiches for the birthday party, or make five platters of vegetables?
A. The sandwiches, please.
Q. If you are traveling from New York to Israel, going at approximately 5,000 liters per hour, and at the same time, your lift is traveling backward, from Israel, to Italy, at approximately 80,000 kilograms per hour, for how many days will you need to sleep on an air mattress?
A. Only about eight days - stop kvetching!
Q. Would you like to sign up for our Shufersal credit card?
A. No, thank you.
Q. Shalom, mah shlomech?
A. Hakol b'seder.
Q. Can I take chocolate spread for lunch, Mommy?
A. Only on Fridays.
Q. Are you sometimes frustrated by the largeness of the toilet paper packages and the smallness of the coffee cups?
A. Yes, although the toilet paper does get used up eventually, and if you sip your coffee reeeeeaaaally slowly, you can pretend it's a large.
Q. I'm hungry again, Mommy!
A. That is not a question.
Q. Do you find it riotously funny when Israeli ads use English words and phrases but they say it with an Israeli accent?
A. Actually, I do!
Q. If your daughter in gan chova, comes home with a long, detailed letter having something to do with plants, do you recommend glancing at it quickly and then adding it to the ever-growing pile of crap on your dining room table, which triples as your home office, your mail room, and your stunning, museum-destined Collection of Plastic Water Bottles? Or, do you think you should read the entire letter carefully, because it is probably telling you to go buy a plant for a planting project and if you don't, your kid will be the ONLY ONE WITHOUT IT?
A. You should definitely read it, but hopefully the ganenet, who knows how intensely clueless you are, will tip you off to the letter's contents before the big planting event.
Q. Do you think it's healthy for children to to watch endless hours of movies during HaChofesh HaGadol?
A. Until their eyes are literally stuck to the screen, and they need to bring it with them to the table, the bathroom, and bed, lest they cause permanent damage, it's allllll good.
Q. If you were to print out this blog, how many pages would it be?
A. I don't know, but I heard from someone who did it that it's over 200 pages celsius.
Q. What happened to all the water in the Kinneret?
A. Yaakov used it up washing his hands.
Q. What has been the best part about living in Israel?
A. Shoko b'sakit. Do you not listen to anything I say???
Q. You are not allowed to ask the questions.
Q. Can you give us some advice on what to do in Israel if your car has a flat tire, your internet is broken, or the iriyah is closed because it's a Thursday in August?
A. Call Donny!
Q. Would you like to sign up for the Shufersal credit card?
A. No! Go away! How are you everywhere?
Q. Can you remind me again why "aliyahbyaccident" is NUMBER ONE in "traifin'?"
A. Because we used "traifin'" very frequently, for no purpose whatsoever, throughout the blog.
Q. How very fascinating. Can you tell me what other search terms have led to new readers of "aliyahbyaccident?"
A. Why yes I can! In addition to traifin', aliyahbyaccident is nearly #1 for
"ahava aaron and ephraim leibtag" (Watch out guys. Somebody out there is looking for you...)
"osek patur form"
"how to spell mazel tov in Hebrew" (the answer, by the way, is מזל טוב)
Q. Is there anything you'd like to say to your Loyal Readers on this Momentous Occasion of your 200th post?
A. Thanks for sticking around....on to shana bet!