Friday, March 11, 2011

The Mystery of ToTh

I think it's time we cleared up the facts and myths surrounding ToTh.

Q. What is ToTh, exactly?
A. ToTh, or, more accurately, the Festival of Toth, is a weekly holiday celebrated every Thursday night with takeout. Hence, the name: "To" = takeout; "Th" = Thursday.

Q. When was ToTh started?
A. Our sages instituted the Festival of Toth when they made aliyah. It was brought down that in galut, when Sunday was a vacation day, the husband would often take care of Sunday night dinner, thereby giving his righteous wife a break from the cooking.

However, upon arrival in Eretz Yisrael, Sunday was suddenly a working day. Which meant the righteous wife had to prepare dinner Sunday night. Which the righteous wife was not at all pleased about. So she said thusly to her husband: "I needeth a night off. I hereby declare it shall be Thursday night. You shalleth prepare dinner on Thursday. However, you may not cook or get my kitcheneth dirty at all." The husband was left with no choice but to order takeout.

Q. Thank you for that insightful history lesson. Who decides what is for ToTh?
A. You're welcome. And the decision rests entirely with the husband. The righteous wife wants nothing to do with dinner. The husband decides, orders (or picks up, if he shall so decide it shall be Ofer's Falafel, for they do not delivereth), pays, and cleans up.

Q. Are the children included in the Festival of ToTh?
A. Hold on one moment. I must get down on the floor and rolleth around, convulsing in hysterical fits of laughter.
The answer to that is no. Usually, the children are asleep (unless one is reorganizing the contents of her tik, which seems to be a thrice-weekly activity) when the husband arrives home. They ate their Thursday night "dinner" consisting of yogurt or oatmeal hours before. Why spend money on takeout food for children who are happy with oatmeal and yogurt, I asketh you???

Q. Do you celebrate ToTh when Donny is away?
A. Yes. Obviously I have to be maykil and do the deciding and ordering myself. But if I don't, my choices for dinner are oatmeal and yogurt.

Q. Can ToTh be celebrated any other day?
A. Excellent question. Occasionally, ToTh is celebrated on Shabbat, in which case it becomes ToSh. Once in a while ToMaSh is celebrated. But ToS, ToM, ToT, and ToW are celebrated only on very rare occasions. A sage must be consulted in those cases.

Q. What dress is appropriate for ToTh?
A. Pajamas. Duh.

Q. Thank you so much for explaining this holiday so clearly. I feel like I am truly ready now to accept the Festival of ToTh upon myself.
A. It's our pleasure. Amen amen amen.


Isreview said...

Oh how I LOVE this "Festival of Toth"! Thanks for all the details!

Shani Berger said...

Are Cocoa Krispies allowed for ToTh when Donny is away? or only oatmeal and yogurt?(You may have to consult your LOR for this one)

LL said...

What is the "Ma" in ToMaSh? Is ToTh allowed to be celebrated in Chutz L'aretz?

LL said...

(LL is Libby Lane)

Kathleen said...

I LOVE the idea of ToTh!! If only we had somewhere to get good take out (rural town= not many restaurants & none kosher). When my husband is out of town I don't cook at all :) and I completely agree that buying take out for kids who won't eat it any way and are happy with yogurt or oatmeal is a waste of money.

MomzWifeofDADZ said...

You know what this calls for, don't you? A Loyal Reader ToTh party at Gila's house! So wait until we get there and we can combine it with a movie night at MOMZANDDADZ' apartment.

Baila said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Baila said...

Ahh the beauty of our traditions. But Gila I musteth warn you: enjoy it while it lasts. One fine Thursday, your children will not be so little anymore, and will come out of their beds to find you and Donny engaging in the festivities of ToTh. And they will demand to be included in this great ritual. And will eat alot. And even though we have continued our version of ToTh with the kids, it's just not as fun; or as cheap.

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Anonymous said...

Just found your blog and I am laughing out loud at this post. We are planning aliyah for next summer. Look forward to reading your posts.