Thursday, March 3, 2011

In Which I am Rejected

Many moons ago, there was a call for submissions to an Israeli English-language magazine. They were putting out their first humor edition and wanted articles that were, you know, humorous. So I figured I would submit something. The editors at aliyahbyaccident and I sifted through numerous posts until we found one we thought was humorous enough. We fixed it up and sent it off. I got an email saying that they received my submission and would let me know February time whether I had been accepted.

Well, I received the following email this week. (Note: Names have been changed to keep the identities private. Because if I put in the actual names of the magazine or its so-called "editors," then LISA might do good on her promise to hunt them down and shake them really hard.)


The editorial board of Pretentious Humor has discussed all the submissions, and
we are sorry to say that we did not find the material you submitted appropriate
for a spot in this particular issue.
("Appropriate?" I promise that my article contained very little nudity and no cursing.)

This is not meant to disparage your work. (We hate your article, but please don't take offense.) There is work we are not publishing which may be quite wonderful in a different context, (for example, if you were to shred it and hide little candies in it for children to find) or in the eyes of different editors (like ones with a functioning sense of humor; ours got flushed down the toilet. Hee hee, toilets!). Rather it is to say that we did not unanimously (one guy liked it, so we offed him) find these particular submissions congruent with our own vision of an issue devoted to Israeli humor. (As you can see, we are serious about our humor, because we use snobby words like "congruent" and "vision" and "issue." (Well, I guess that last one's okay.))

We sincerely hope you will submit to future issues of Pretentious Humor (because we get such a kick out of rejecting people!) And we wish you great success in the future. (Not as a writer, God no, but perhaps you would make a lovely throw pillow.)

Sincerely, the Bombastic (yes, I looked up that word myself) Editors of Pretentious Humor

But I'm okay with the rejection. I mean, my own editors at aliyahbyaccident LOVE me. They publish all my articles, even the ones with the lowbrow humor and cheap shots. Especially those. So don't worry that we will wallow in despair and shrivel up and stop producing the quality, quality blog posts you have come to love and expect from aliyahbyaccident. We will soldier on. Because, by golly, stuff happens in this world. And we will be there to laugh at it.


SaraK said...

Your Loyal Readers (tm) will never reject you, Gila! :)

Isreview said...

Maybe you should submit this post for the next "funny issue" :)
Thanks for the laugh as I read your "commentary"!


I for one volunteer to stage a protest sit in at the offices of this so called publication - as long as they have good coffee and comfy chairs. And magazines. In English.

Kathleen said...

I, along with your other Loyal Readers always enjoy your writing- and humor! So obviously the editorial board of Pretentious Humor just doesn't know what they're talking about.
I thought your commentary was funny!

Karen said...

I think you're absolutely hilarious - and I'm British so I know about humour!!!
They don't deserve you...

Gila Rose said...

Thanks for all the love, Loyal Readers.
Momz - I think your protest is a great idea. But instead of having to shlep all the way to their offices, can't we just do it in my living room?

faith/emuna said...

who reads printed material anymore anyway? magazines get recycled, cyberspace lives forever! (btw, although i cant fathom why they rejected you, you are FUNNY, i thought they tried very hard with the rejection letter) please post your submission, (it can count as a blog post even if weve seen it already) (btw if we are protesting in your living room with good coffee we can combine it with the kiddush for your award. ill bring cake)

OneTiredEma said...

Good grief, that rejection letter was BEGGING to be mocked. Don't they KNOW you have a blog? And are always on the hunt for material?

Gila Rose said...

f/e, sounds like a great idea. stop by whenever. as long as you have cake.

tired - maybe I should really thank them, for giving me more material. Hmmm...